


Set Flight into Time

by startlingirony



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, K-pop References, Light Angst, M/M, OT12 (EXO), au where sm actually takes care of lawsuit line and they don't have to leave, predebut EXO, wholesome content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26404309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startlingirony/pseuds/startlingirony
Summary: When Junmyeon suggests Yifan meets a young SM trainee with barely six months under his belt, he's skeptical. What he doesn't expect is Zitao to be everything the EXO and EXO-M needed.
Relationships: Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao/Wu Yi Fan | Kris
Comments: 12
Kudos: 35





	1. I Didn't Think We Were Getting More Members

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first piece so I wanted it to be a little fun and cute. This is my first time writing anything EXO, so I'll do my best! I hope you enjoy it.

The air in the steamy practice room was stale, filled with the smell of sweat and the deodorant stick someone had left on the floor over in the corner. Looking over to the bag, Yifan realized it was probably Yixing’s, and that it probably had fallen out of his bag a little bit ago. Yixing had been rummaging through his bag before he produced a package of small snacks to share with the other members of EXO-M. Yifan looked over to where his members sat, chattering to each other while sharing the snacks. Yixing and Luhan were reading something, to Yifan it looked like a Korean study book. They were trying their best to figure out the phrases from the book. Jongdae and Minseok were playing cham cham cham, and it seemed like Minseok was winning. He whacked Jongdae on the head when he lost. Yifan nodded to himself, knowing his members were getting along well. It hadn’t been long since the group had been formed.

  
Yifan was about to go back to his dance practice when his phone started buzzing, his ringtone playing. A few glances were thrown his way as their leader took his phone out and read the name of the caller. He picked up the call.

  
“Junmyeon, hello. I’m in the training studio, what do you need?” Yifan began.

  
“I was just talking to our manager. Apparently the higher ups have found the last EXO-M member,” blurted Junmyeon, unable to contain the slight excitement.

  
“I thought we were stopping at five members. Have you met him? Is he any good?” Yifan was sceptical, but interested. “Is he a trainee or did they just pick him up?”

  
“He hasn’t been training for very long, only a few months. That’s probably why you’ve never met him,” Junmyeon paused. “But, I’ve seen him dancing, and he’s impressive. I think he did martial arts or something.” Another pause. “But it’s your call. I’ll bring him to the practice room in about thirty minutes.”

  
Yifan looked to his members before looking away, thinking for a moment, “Okay. I’ll send the others home early. See you soon, Junmyeon.” He hung up.

  
Another member? Yifan wasn’t sure, but after thinking on it, he decided to give the kid a fair shot. If Junmyeon and their manager thought this new trainee was worth it, then he would take their word for it. He slipped his phone into his pocket and approached his members. “Go ahead and leave early, I have something I need to do.” The four sets of eyes all looked to him, some filled with confusion, some with excitement.

  
“Why?” asked Jongdae, the first to speak up. “Is something wrong?”

  
“No, I’ll fill you four in on what it is later. Now go ahead before I change my mind,” Yifan snarked, his tone firm. It was nothing the other EXO-M members were used to, they knew Yifan wasn’t mad or anything. One by one, they grabbed their bags and filed out the door.

  
“Yifan, I’ll leave you some soup, don’t let it get cold!” Luhan yelled in Mandarin from the doorway before stepping out. Yifan nodded to him and took a seat on the floor. He waited patiently for the EXO-K leader and trainee to arrive.

* * *

  
About twenty minutes later, the door to the practice room cracked open. Yifan’s eyes shot up to it, realizing it was Junmyeon. He stood from his place on the floor, taking his headphones out from his ears and putting them into his pocket. Junmyeon stepped into the room, taking his heavy jacket off and hanging it up. Behind Junmyeon stood a taller boy, who looked a bit shy and nervous. Yifan expected as much, and he approached the two. “What’s his name, Junmyeon?”

  
Junmyeon turned to the taller boy, gently patting his arm, “Go ahead, introduce yourself.”

  
The trainee gulped and took a breath before stepping forward. He bowed lowly, beginning to speak, “My name is Huang Zitao, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

  
Yifan felt a bit of relief hearing the boy’s name, he was glad to have another Chinese member. “Alright Huang Zitao, I’m Wu Yifan. I want you to convince me that you belong in EXO-M.” He stepped back. “The floor is yours.”

  
Junmyeon and Yifan stepped aside as Zitao took the floor. This allowed Yifan to get a good look at him. He was almost as tall as himself, although a little skinnier. His jet-black hair was a bit messy, presumably from the wind. His face was sharp, contrasting to his soft looking lips and nose. When Yifan looked into Zitao’s sharp eyes, he felt something. He… he looks… kind of handsome. Yifan thought, finding himself eager to see the performance.

  
Music began to play and Zitao snapped into action. All shyness and timidity had left him as his body moved with flexibility and control. His eyes were fixed on Yifan’s, and he looked confident. He danced through the three minute song before stopping, barely needing to catch his breath. Yifan noticed that and noted it; the boy was in good shape and he was a good dancer. He also had a… certain charm about him.

  
Junmyeon turned to Yifan, “What do you think?” He seemed convinced, his eyes going back to Zitao.

  
Yifan only needed a second to turn to Junmyeon and nod. Little did he know, he’d just met his best friend.


	2. The New Kid Can Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zitao starts to settle in comfortably with his new members, who adore him.

After a brief meeting with their manager, Junmyeon decided to introduce Zitao to the rest of EXO. Yifan decided it would be okay, since he was technically a member now. Zitao would move in that night.

  
“Go on ahead, Junmyeon, I’ll catch up to you at the dorm later, I’ll walk with him,” Yifan mentioned as Zitao went to gather his things from his old dorm. After receiving a nod from Junmyeon, Yifan hurried after Zitao. Once he caught up, he walked next to the younger boy. For a short while they said nothing as they walked, the bitter cold air biting at their faces. Yifan offered Zitao his gloves, the younger boy taking them with hesitation.

  
“It’s cold, you shouldn’t go without gloves. If we hurry there should still be warm soup when we get back,” Yifan began in Mandarin, not looking at Zitao. “Luckily there’s another bed, we have six bunk beds. The only spot left is the top of mine. You can take it.”

  
Zitao nodded and looked at him, putting the gloves on. “Okay.” There was another long pause before either of them said anything. “I… I heard you like basketball. The other trainees were talking about it. I like basketball too.”

  
Yifan glanced over at Zitao and their eyes met. “Yeah, that's about right.” he briefly said. The walk continued until they reached the building where the trainees had been staying. “I’ll help you carry your bags.”

  
They entered together, walking up a few flights of stairs to get to the room Zitao was sharing with a few other trainees. Yifan didn’t mind the trainees staring at him, he was more focused on helping his new member. It didn’t take long for Zitao to pack his bags and soon they were out the door. Zitao held two bags while Kris held a rolling suitcase.

  
“So, Yifan, aren’t I the youngest EXO-M member now?” Zitao asked, pushing his hair back out of his face. The wind was strong and immediately blew it back into place, much to Zitao’s dismay.

  
Yifan took a hair tie off of his wrist. He often kept an extra on him in case the one holding his long hair broke. “As long as you’re younger than Jongdae, then yes. You’ll be the youngest of EXO-M, but not EXO. Sehun and Jongin are younger than you.”

  
Zitao nodded, continuing to speak. “Do you think they’ll like me? What are they like?”

  
Yifan thought for a second. “I think Luhan and Yixing will like you for sure. Luhan likes to hug people and lean on people, Yixing is very calm but funny. As for the rest, probably. Kyungsoo is shy, quiet, and good at cooking. Jongin is good at dancing and being cute. Jongdae and Baekhyun are loud. Chanyeol is too. Junmyeon is a good leader, he leads EXO-K and EXO as a whole. If you call for “mom”, he’ll come running. Minseok is calm but acts like a child sometimes, but it’s not annoying. Sehun… I think you two could get along.” Yifan realized he’d been rambling, but when he looked at Zitao, the younger boy didn’t look at all bored or disinterested.

  
“And you like basketball, you’re a rapper, you’re from Canada, and you have a thing for the word “Galaxy”,” Zitao stated matter-of-factly, nodding his head.

  
“How did you figure all that out?” Yifan said, a casual smile appearing on his face.

  
“Word travels fast in the trainee dorm. When everyone heard they were looking for another EXO-M member, everyone tried to learn all they could about you and the members to impress them. I only picked up what I know from hearsay,” Zitao stated with a shrug. “I heard a lot of girls in the female trainee dorms have a crush on you. They like how tall you are.” He wouldn’t lie to himself, he himself liked how tall Yifan was. To many, Yifan was a classic “tall, dark, and handsome” kind of guy. Yifan just didn’t notice that people oogled him a lot.

  
Yifan raised an eyebrow, confused. “Really?” He paused. “Why aren’t they going after you then? You aren’t much shorter than me.” Zitao only responded with a shrug.

  
They were nearly to the EXO dorm when the younger of the two began to slip, he had stepped on a frozen puddle and begun to slip. Yifan reacted quickly, grabbing Zitao by his waist and pulling him back off the ice. It took a second to process that they were chest to chest. Zitao reacted with a little snicker.

  
“You can let go now, Yifan,” Zitao said with a bright smile, diffusing a little bit of the awkwardness.

  
Yifan realized he was still holding onto Zitao and he let go, making sure the younger didn’t step back onto the ice. “Are you alright?” He couldn’t help that the corners of his mouth curled up a bit, he thought Zitao had such a nice laugh.

  
Zitao nodded and picked him bags after realizing he’d dropped them. “Mhm, I think I’ll be okay as long as I have my leader here.” He was warming up to Yifan a bit, he enjoyed his deep voice and charming looks. The teenager’s eyes looked up to the building. “Is this it?”

  
Yifan nodded and they crossed the street. He could hear a lot of commotion from inside the building. “Oh no, I think Junmyeon told the others you’re coming. I think they’re excited.” He smiled again, casually. “Let’s go inside.” He opened the door for the younger boy.

  
The second they made it to the dorms, the door burst open. There stood nine eager boys and one tired looking Junmyeon. They pulled Zitao into the room and started looking over him. A choir of voices greeted Zitao and introduced themselves. They also started talking to each other about the new member.

  
“Kyungsoo-ya, he’s cold and he looks hungry! Get some soup,” a boy with pointy ears, who Zitao learned was Chanyeol, yelled. Kyungsoo, a boy with thick glasses, quickly hurried to the itchen to fetch the soup.

  
“Aw but look at him, our new youngest! Yixing, isn’t he cute? He reminds me of a panda,” a shorter, pretty looking boy said to a boy with cute dimples. The boy with dimples, Yixing, nodded.

  
Meanwhile Yifan had made his way to the room where some of the bunkbeds were, placing the suitcases and bags by the bed. He thought about Zitao, his cute laugh and the look in his eyes when he had danced for him. 'I might be in trouble,' Yifan thought to himself. 'He’s cute.' He sat down on his bed and realized that the bunk above him would soon be occupied by that same boy who slipped on ice just moments ago.

* * *

  
It took awhile for the excitement of the new member to die down. The late night hours passed by, but the members were still talking to the new member. Yifan had joined them, sitting next to Zitao in case he began to feel overwhelmed. A few times Zitao had asked Yifan to translate into Mandarin, which he did to the best of his ability. And if he didn’t know, he’d ask Luhan. And if Luhan didn’t know, he’d ask Yixing. It was a fun night.

  
Yifan had finished up his shower and came out of the bathroom with wet hair, already dressed in his sleep clothes. He’d let his hair fall down, deciding to give the ponytail a break. When he walked into the room, he’d caught Zitao in the middle of changing his shirt. He immediately hid outside the doorway, watching him.  
In Yifan’s eyes, he saw a cute boy with a tiny waist. Almost too tiny. He made a mental note to make sure Zitao’s weight was healthy, maybe to have Kyungsoo sneak him a few extra portions at dinner. After all, he was the leader. He had to look out for his boys. He walked into the room and sat on his bed after Zitao finished changing. Yifan yawned and fell back onto his pillow. “I’ll wake you up in the morning for practice, Zitao.”

  
Zitao stepped up onto the ladder leading to the upper bunk. He looked to Yifan and gave a little smile before climbing up all the way. Yifan gave him a little tired smile. As Zitao got settled in, Yifan noticed that they had an issue in common: the bunks were a little bit too small for the two of them, being 6’+. Zitao barely fit onto the bed, and he groaned. “Really?” Zitao muttered before drifting off to sleep, trying to squeeze into the bunk all the way. Yifan couldn’t help but snicker a little bit.

* * *

The next day, the twelve of them arrived at the practice room for the first time as a complete group. Today they were to discuss their debut. Junmyeon instructed them to form a circle on the floor and they all took a seat. Yifan and Zitao gravitated towards each other, unintentionally sitting next to each other. Yifan glanced to the very sleeping looking Zitao, patting his back. His eyes went back to Junmyeon as the other began to speak.

  
“I’ve been given our official stage names. I have these name tags here, so I’ll give them to you,” Junmyeon began as he started passing out the name tags. One for each member. Minseok would be “Xiumin”, Luhan would get to go by his own name, Yifan would be “Kris”, Junmyeon would be “Suho”, Yixing would be “Lay”, Baekhyun would get to go by his own name, Jongdae would be “Chen”, Chanyeol would get to keep his name, Kyungsoo would go by “D.O.”, Zitao would be “Tao”, Jongin would be “Kai”, and Sehun would go by his own name.

  
Yifan looked to Zitao’s name tag, “Tao. It’s cute and it makes sense.” He pinned the “Kris” nametag to his lapel before helping Zitao. Being this close to him was almost dizzying, he could feel Zitao’s warmth and smell his cologne.

"What about you, what does yours mean?" Zitao asked, reading the name tags of the members.

"It's close to what I went by when I lived in Canada. Kris or Kevin was easier to say than Yifan," Yifan said with a slight chuckle.

  
Junmyeon took front and center again. The murmurs of the members died down when they saw their leader needed their attention. “Okay. Now our debut song is in the works. Yi- Kris and I have been working with the managers and songwriters, and we’re starting to piece something together. If you all have something to add, let us know. Eleven heads nodded to him. “Okay. Let’s get going then.”


	3. You're Going To Need Some Ice For That Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zitao and Yifan get dinner and nothing is normal between the two of them. Zitao is lucky Yifan likes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some inspiration from the EXO's Showtime episode where the EXO members all go to a hot pot place together.

Yifan always kept an eye on Zitao. He wasn’t sure if it was his inner instincts as a leader, the fact that Zitao was their youngest, or something else. Yifan decided he would go with the first and second options. It wasn’t until Zitao invited him to a casual dinner that he could consider the third option. Zitao had taken him to a hot pot shop, since he was feeling homesick. Yifan didn’t mind, he knew Zitao had been in Korea less than a year. Besides, he liked hot pot too.

  
“Luhan recommended it, he said he went here and it wasn’t bad,” Zitao said as they stepped inside. Their chilly faces were immediately melted by the warm air of the shop, the wonderful fragrances of broth and meat dancing across their noses. They both needed a second to process before Zitao nodded and grabbed Yifan’s wrist, dragging him to the hostess.

After they were seated and had ordered, Zitao asked Yifan a question. “How… how do you deal with being away from home?”

  
Yifan looked to Zitao, picking up on the younger’s homesick whine. “I’ve moved from China to Canada, then back to China, then back to Canada, where I auditioned, then here. I haven’t been home for a while. It takes getting used to,” Yifan explained with a tender expression. “I guess… I guess sometimes I call my mother when I miss home.”

  
Zitao’s somber expression shifted into a cute but shit-eating grin. He began to tease him. “Wu Yifan, Galaxy FanFan, Kris, leader of EXO-M, a mama’s boy?”

  
Yifan pouted a bit and looked away, his ears red. “So? There’s nothing wrong with calling my mother,” he suppressed a whine.

  
Zitao couldn’t help but laugh, only making Yifan’s ears go redder. “I’m only kidding, Yifan-, don’t pout,” he said, tugging on Yifan’s sweater.

  
The older man turned to him, still pouting a little bit. “Fine.”

  
“Yixing seems to handle it well, being away from home. How do the others do so well?” Zitao asked, gently stirring the hot chicken stock in the bubbling pot with his chopsticks. “Learning Korean has been so hard.”

  
“I can help you with your Korean, you can use the books I used to study. I can order some online too. But… Yixing handles things very well. I think he and Luhan are just looking forward to going back to China when we debut and promote. It won’t be long,” Yifan explained, taking a sip of his cola.

  
“When do you think we’ll debut? Will it be soon?” Zitao asked, taking his jacket off. It was warm in the building so he no longer needed it.

  
“You didn’t hear this from me, but early April. Only Junmyeon and I have been allowed to really hear about it. But plans are being made. We just have to finish photoshoots, recording, and choreography. We start with some recording tomorrow, just to get demos done and to fine tune things. Then we can record the actual EPs,” Yifan explained, eyes scanning over the restaurant menu again. “They… they want to cut my hair and bleach it.” He cringed a little bit. “You’re lucky, they’re leaving your hair as is.”

  
Zitao snickered a bit, twisting some of his hair between his fingers.

* * *

Soon, plates of raw meat and vegetables were being placed on their table. The pair thanked them and Tao quickly began placing meat into the boiling broth. Yifan looked at his phone to read a message from Yixing then glanced back up.

  
“Wait, that’s too much meat, Tao!” Yifan plucked the chopsticks from his hands and began placing vegetables in the soup. “There need to be vegetables too.”

  
“No, I want to put more meat in!” Zitao yelled back, grabbing the chopsticks back and placing more meat inside. He did it with such force, that some of the piping hot broth hit Yifan in the face. He winced and held his cheek, which was quickly turning red as a burn developed. Zitao realized what had happened and his eyes went wide, full of fear. “Yifan I’m so sorry!” He quickly grabbed ice cubes from his water glass and pulled Yifan’s hand back, placing the ice on the spots where the broth had made contact.

  
Yifan was understandably visibly upset, his eyes nearly boring a hole through Zitao. When the ice was applied to his scorched skin, he felt a little bit of relief, but he was still upset. There wasn’t another word spoken for a while, and they ate in silence. Zitao was able to get a good look at the damage, little dots of bright red burns dotted Yifan’s face where the liquid had splattered, the skin around it red and angrily inflamed. Most of the burns were small, the exception being one on the leader’s chin. "Please be careful," Yifan said, trying his best to hold back his anger.

  
Zitao felt awful. He tried to think of a way to cheer the older man up, but he couldn’t think of anything. He gently put his hand on Yifan’s arm, looking him in the eyes with a very sweet expression. “I’m sorry Yifan, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll put medicine on your cheek when we get home. I’ll buy you ice cream or hotteok, or chicken or jajangmyeon.”

  
At the mention of jajangmyeon, Yifan’s ears perked up. “Hmm… you make a very convincing case,” he said with a small cheeky grin. “Tomorrow we get jajangmyeon.”

  
Zitao smiled gently, nodding. “As much as you want.”

  
“And ice cream.”

  
“Okay.”

* * *

Zitao had stayed true to his word and when they returned to the dorm, he spent time working on Yifan’s face. First he cleaned the burns with alcohol (which Yifan did NOT like), treated them with an antibiotic cream, then put small bandaids all over his face. Once the last burn was covered, Zitao sat back to admire his work. Yifan had actually dozed off on the couch where they were seated, his hands folded neatly as he laid back. Zitao smiled and tried to drag Yifan to bed, struggling a little bit. With Minseok’s help, they were able to get him into bed.

  
Zitao decided to pull Yifan’s ponytail out so he could sleep easier, letting his hair fall down. He bit his lip, looking at how handsome Yifan became when his silky black locks framed his face. The leader pouted slightly as he slept, his eyebrows almost angry looking.

  
Zitao thought it was endearing, and he slowly kneeled by his bed. “Sleep well… Yifan.” He pulled the covers up and slowly placed a kiss on Yifan’s head. He was definitely starting to develop a crush. The power Yifan had when he rapped and danced, his sharp charming looks, and that sweet little gummy smile he rarely saw, he knew it was over for him. Yifan’s expression lightened a little bit, he looked relaxed and he nestled deeper into the pillow.

  
It hit him that Yifan’s long hair would soon be snipped off and dyed, drawing a pout to the boy’s face. “Stupid SM,” he whispered. He took his phone out and snapped a picture of Yifan, just to savor the moment. What he didn’t realize is that his flash was on, and the dark room was quickly lit up with the sudden light. Minseok and Luhan, who had already been sleeping, groaned. Luhan peeked to see what happened but Zitao was already out the door. Lucky for him, Yifan hadn’t stirred at all. The picture was his to keep.


	4. Yifan's Got Your Back, And He's Got Zitao On His Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yifan tries to take Zitao on a date, but it's not much of a date.

Yifan had, as promised, helped Zitao with his Korean. After a day of dance practice they sat on Yifan’s desk, pouring into a Korean textbook. Zitao was doing well, he had a notebook he was writing into. They shared a package of noodles Yifan had ordered, sitting close to each other. It was December now and just as cold, so they were both bundled up.

  
“No no, like this. 나 공부해. ‘I exercise.’ It’s informal,” Yifan corrected Zitao, who had just written the sentence improperly. “You’re close.” He took Zitao’s pencil and corrected it for him.

  
“Ah, I get it,” Zitao said with a small smile as he slurped some noodles. “And to make it formal I just change 나 to 저 and add a 요 after 해?”

  
Yifan nodded. “Yeah, just like that,” he said, looking quite pleased with the younger’s progression. “You’re doing good.” He drew a little smiley face on Zitao’s paper, making them both laugh a little.

  
“I heard from the others that you draw? They said you weren’t good though, why do they say that?” Zitao asked, putting the textbooks away.

  
Yifan swallowed a bite of noodles. “They only say that because they put me under a time constraint. If I was given time to draw something I totally could.” He grabbed a sketchbook from his shelf and opened it. Inside were some sketches, many of them of the members. A lot of them were action sketches of the members dancing. There was even one of Zitao with “타오” written next to it. There were a ton of eraser marks on the paper, it seemed like Yifan had erased and redrawn Zitao specifically. A lot of work went into this drawing specifically. “Look, this is you. When you were practicing MAMA with the choreographer I decided to draw you,” he explained with a proud nod and a small smile.

  
Zitao took the sketchbook from him and gave a big smile. “It looks really nice! I love it!” He bounced on his chair a little bit. “Can I have it? Will you sign it for me?"

  
Yifan nodded and smiled more, carefully ripping the page out of his sketchbook and signing it with a 吴亦凡. Zitao looked over the signature and smiled. He grabbed a piece of tape and shot up from his chair, running over to their bed. He climbed the ladder and stuck the drawing to the wall by his bed before returning. The older man’s ears were a bit red, he was flattered. “I’m glad you like it.”

  
Zitao nodded. “Here, give me the sketchbook. I’ll try drawing you,” he declared, hands reached out for the sketchbook. Yifan gave them to him and Zitao began to draw. It took him two minutes, but when he finished, he showed Yifan. It was a stickman drawing of Kris with his long hair and angry strong eyebrows, but with a smiley mouth. Zitao had signed it with 黄子韬 and wrote “크리스” next to it. He also had drawn a small heart close to the little drawing.

  
Yifan gently took the drawing, his ears turning red. “I like it,” he said gently, looking at the drawing fondly. Zitao’s eyes glittered and he smiled, standing up. “It’s cute, simple.” Like Zitao had, he got up and stuck the paper on the wall by his bed. He sat back down next to Zitao, who was sitting and looking rather cute in the dim light of the desk lamp. Yifan watched the younger boy look over his Korean notes proudly. He watched him scribble something down, probably under the impression that Yifan couldn’t read it from where he was sitting.

  
난 크리스형을 좋아해.

  
I like Kris. But how it was written, it really implied “out of all people, I like Kris in particular”. Yifan couldn’t help but blush a little, his red face hidden in the dim light.

He stood and picked up the noodle container. “Let’s go get some hotteok. You can practice ordering in Korean.” Really, Yifan was asking him on a little date, but he disguised it as language practice.

  
Zitao nodded and stood, hurrying to the closet to grab his jacket. “Do you want me to pay? I have some money,” he said as he took his wallet out of his jacket pocket. “About 10,000 won.”

  
“I got it, don’t worry,” Yifan said as he pushed their chairs in and turned off the light. He put his jacket and a mask on along with the same knitted cap he often wore. He came over to Zitao. “Ready?”

  
The younger boy nodded and they began making their way out of the dorm. Once they were outside the building the two of them began shivering, as it was freezing outside. Snow was falling from the dark, cloudy sky as they began to walk. Zitao linked his arm with Yifan’s, staying close to him so he could be a little warmer, and to prevent himself from slipping. Yifan blushed more but when Zitao asked, he simply blamed it on the bite of the cold air. He didn’t mind that Zitao had gotten closer, he understood. It was way too cold outside that day. Yifan wondered why he didn’t just get it delivered, but he realized he wouldn’t have been able to take Zitao out like this if he had gotten it delivered. Besides, the dorm felt stuffy from the old heating system, and the cold air was somewhat refreshing.

  
The sun was setting so there was still plenty of still light illuminating the streets. It was mid-December, so students were out of school on breaks. Only the youngest of EXO’s members were still in school. Jongin and Sehun were glad to be on break, and the dorms were a bit livelier with them messing around instead of cramming for upcoming end of semester exams. Yifan worried a little bit about their debut being so close to the end of the school year for Jongin and Sehun, he hoped they would be able to keep up their studies with all of the commotion. He chewed his lip at the thought.

  
Yifan was snapped out of his daydreaming as a gaggle of girls hurried by them, all carrying shopping bags. They must have been shopping for Christmas gifts. He turned to Zitao, who had noticed the girls too. “We’ll be practicing Christmas morning, but our manager said we could have the afternoon and evening to ourselves. I heard Kyungsoo is making something nice and Yixing is baking. I already bought presents,” he began to ramble a little bit.

  
Zitao’s ears perked up a little at the news. “We get half the day?”

  
Yifan nodded, beginning to slip a little due to some ice but quickly stabilizing himself with Zitao's help. He took a breath then turned his attention back to Zitao. “Yeah, it took some convincing but Junmyeon and I managed it.”

  
Zitao smiled brightly, squeezing his arm. “I’ll have to hurry and get presents for everyone. What do you want?”

  
Yifan had to stop and think. “Uh… maybe a hat, or something? Don’t spend too much on it, it doesn’t have to be much. I already bought you something.” He looked away, his cheeks a bit red under his mask. “I ordered it today because it might take a while to get here,” the taller boy explained, looking away.

  
Zitao smiled more, his face lighting up like a child’s. “Really?” He laughed, his warm breath visible in the air.. “You say you’re some cool quiet guy, but you’re just a big baby! You care about us a lot, even if you won’t admit it.”

  
Yifan’s cheeks just got redder and he looked to Zitao with fake anger, which Zitao was able to see through. “Okay okay, let’s just go get the hotteok. And maybe a corndog, or those spiral potatoes.” They turned a corner and entered a street market known for street food. The smell hit their noses and they let out a simultaneous sigh, letting go of each other.

  
“The potatoes smell really good… I’ll get a potato, you get a corndog, and we’ll share,” Zitao suggested as they began walking towards the stall.

  
Yifan nodded, taking his wallet out and taking his mask off. “You can just get the regular swirl potato. What kind of corndog do you want?” He turned to look at Zitao, who was drooling over the fresh food.

  
Zitao took a second to realize Yifan was talking to him and he looked to the older male. “Uh… can we get one with melted cheese?” He smiled before turning to the person selling the curly potatoes. He bit his lip and did his best, successfully ordering the snack with his shaky Korean. Feeling proud of himself, Zitao paid for the fresh food and went to find Yifan, who had been ordering the hotteok and corndog.

  
Yifan was more fluent in Korean, so ordering the food wasn’t as hard. He and Zitao found their way back to each other. “I found a table we could sit at while we eat. Let’s eat it fast before it gets too cold,” he stated, leading Zitao to the table.

  
They sat down together and began silently eating the steaming food, huddled together to fight the cold. They wordlessly offered each other bites of the food, and soon it was gone. Yifan collected the wrappers and got up. He disposed of them before returning to Zitao, who linked arms with him again.

  
The taller boy found this incredibly endearing, seeing how Zitao always wanted to be close to him. The younger boy gave a yawn and he leaned against Yifan, sleepy from the warm food. Zitao rested his head on Yifan’s shoulder and Yifan’s cheeks went beet red, making him pull his mask up. He sighed, looking to the Zitao.

  
“You can’t sleep here, it’s too cold, you’ll get sick. We need to go home,” Yifan said, nudging a sleepy Zitao. “Come on, I’ll carry you on my back.” He could tell he was worn out, so he stood and offered him a hand.

  
Zitao accepted and Yifan hoisted him onto his back. They made their way out of the market and onto the street, both of them shivering from the bite of the cold. The sun was down all the way, street lamps lighting their way home. It was snowing now and it seemed to be getting heavier and heavier, causing Yifan to hurry up. He was a bit worried for the boy on his back, he wanted to get him wrapped up in blankets in his bed with a cup of warm tea.  
After a little bit of walking they made it home, and Yifan carried Zitao straight to bed. He took a moment to set Zitao on the bed, taking his shoes and jacket off for him. Yifan laid him down and bundled him up warmly, relaxing when he saw the younger boy smile pleasantly before drifting off to sleep. Yifan gave a sigh of relief and he climbed down the bunk bed ladder that led to Zitao’s bed.

  
Yifan took his own jacket and shoes off, putting them in the closet along with Zitao’s. He took a second to think about the sleeping boy, his eyes wandering to the top bunk. Shit, he really was starting to catch feelings for him. Without another thought, he decided to leave the room to give Zitao and the other sleeping members some peace and quiet. Yifan made his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went through all the chapters and fixed some formatting! I hope this makes it much easier to read. Thank you all for your support so far!


	5. Let's Get Food And Not Tell Anyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Is Love is in the making, and Yifan decided to get his boys some food to reward them fro their hard work.

It was crunch time now. SM wanted individual member teasers, a pre-debut single, and music video out in January so it was time to go. The song was already written and composed, it just needed to be recorded. Then the music video would be planned out, and they would need to record it. But first they would need their new haircuts to bring them from trainees to actual debuted idols. Then they could film the music video and do a photo shoot for the album cover and promotion. It was exhausting.

Today was the day Yifan had been dreading, today the stylists were going to come in and have their ways with the members. He knew what would happen, he would need to say goodbye to his beautiful long hair. Luhan was going through the same issue, he didn’t want to give up his long, fluffy hair. EXO-K was getting their hair done first, leaving EXO-M to sit on the floor on the other side of the room to watch.

Yifan and Luhan kept glancing at each other in solidarity, both resenting the loss of their hair. Zitao was also secretly resenting the higher-ups, he would miss Yifan’s hair. He had been using it as a stress toy lately, twirling it between his fingers whenever the two sat together (which was pretty often). Whenever a Korean lesson with Yifan got difficult, he was playing with his hair. Whenever dance practice got hard and exhausting, he was playing with his hair during little breaks. Yifan didn’t mind, he thought it was almost endearing. He was also glad to be able to provide his anxious little brother a bit of comfort.

“Kris, it’s your turn now,” one of the stylists said, motioning to an empty chair that had previously been occupied by Kyungsoo. No one was getting anything too drastic, mostly just trims with a bit of bleach for lightening, but even that felt drastic for Yifan. “Kris?”

Zitao sighed and released his hand from Yifan’s hair, gently nudging him. “You have to, Yifan, or you’ll get yelled at,” he whined, gently nudging him again.

Yifan nodded and slowly got up, making his way to the chair. He sat down and closed his eyes as the stylist spun him around in the chair. He didn’t want to see what was happening. Yifan almost flinched when the stylist pulled his hair tie out, letting all of his hair fall to his shoulders. He heard her take out the scissors and within a few chops, years of his hair fell to the ground.

Then came the electric razor, shaving parts of his head to a short buzz while leaving the rest long. The stylist returned with the scissors to finish styling the mop of hair on top of Yifan’s head.

He was in the chair for about an hour, but to him it felt like an eternity. Yifan finally came to when the hairstylist proclaimed she was done, brushing any spare hairs off of his shoulders. She spun him around to the mirror and he opened his eyes.

Yifan didn’t know how to react. Long and dark strands of silky hair were replaced with choppy, dirty blonde spikes on top of his head. He looked to his members for sympathy, only to see that they were all snoozing in a pile in the corner. They had all finished, having easier hairstyles. EXO-K had finished and left, but EXO-M had waited for their leader.

Yifan stood and approached them, sitting on the floor next to Zitao. He pouted a bit seeing their youngest had only gotten a clean up, but he was secretly glad they had left him with his current hairstyle. Yifan thought it looked good anyways. He yawned a bit, beginning to shake the others awake.

“Come on, we have to record the song today,” Yifan said, coaxing them awake. “If we hurry up they’ll give us a full Christmas day off.” That was the deal. If the recording was done by Christmas, then they wouldn’t have to work at all on Christmas.

One by one, the members woke, rubbing the sleep from their eyes. Minseok, Jongdae, and Yixing were the first to be up and ready to go, but Luhan and Zitao were struggling. Yifan simply picked Zitao up and stood him on his own two feet.

“Come on Tao, if you wake up now I’ll get you that panda hat you were looking at,” Yifan decided to use bribery, and it seemed to work, as he quickly brightened up. Luhan came around as well and soon the group was on their way to the recording rooms. Funny enough, Yifan had already bought him that panda hat anyways. 

* * *

Zitao was glaring daggers at the back of Yifan’s newly shaved head as they walked. He didn’t think this look suited Yifan, but of course he wasn’t going to say anything. Yifan glanced back at him to see why he was lagging behind the rest of the group, and he quickly snapped his death glare to a gentle glance in Yifan’s direction. Yifan took his hand to hurry him along.

Zitao smiled a bit to himself, his ears turning pink as he held Yifan’s quite large hand. He hadn’t noticed how big his hands were before, but it made sense. Yifan was a large man. Zitao’s mind wandered a bit, wondering if all of him was big.

He snapped out of it once they started taking the stairs up from the styling rooms to the recording studios. This would be EXO’s first time recording a song, so they were all a little nervous. But they had a few days until Christmas, so they had time to record and finish up. All they had to worry about was the song, the teasers and music video would come later after the song was recorded.

When all twelve EXO members had gathered outside the recording studios, their manager stood in front of them to address them. “We only need four of you for this first song, called What is Love. Some of you haven’t been revealed to the public as members quite yet, so we’re just going to record with a few of the members who have been revealed. From EXO-K, Baekhyun and D.O. From EXO-M, Chen and Luhan. It’s a vocal-based song, so we only need these four at this time. The next song, History, will include all of you. We only need those four, the rest of you are urged to return to your practice room,” the manager monologued on for a while before concluding.

Yifan glanced over at Zitao to notice the visible confusion on his face. He quickly summarized what their manager had said to the younger boy in Mandarin, who nodded when he understood. He glanced at Luhan and Jongdae, who were already stepping into the studio with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo. Yifan stood, sighing some.

“Let’s try to run through the choreography best we can without the two of them,” Yifan declared, watching his members slowly stand up.

“I wish we could stay here and wait for the two of them,” Minseok said, looking to the studio door as it fell shut behind the four members and the manager. “Who knows how long they’ll be in there.”

Yifan nodded, looking to the door as well. “I know, but it seems our manager wants us to go practice. We can come get them when they’re done so they don’t have to walk to the dorms alone. And… maybe we can get something to eat from the convenience store. I won’t tell,” Yifan proposed, watching his members’ eyes brighten. He put a finger over his lips, grinning slightly.

“We won’t say anything, right?” Zitao asked the other two boys standing next to him. Yixing and Minseok both nodded.

Yifan gave a nod and off they were to their practice room, their leader leading them like baby ducks following their mother. They arrived shortly after to begin a little bit of practice, going over some simple steps. Yifan helped Minseok with a move he had been struggling with a little bit, seeing the pleased grin appear on the older boy’s face as he understood.

“There you go, like that,” Yifan encouraged him. “Let’s all go through it again.” They went through the piece of the song they were practicing, and Yifan’s chest puffed with pride as he saw how well his members were doing. These were his boys, and they were doing well. 

* * *

Luhan was able to record most of his lines, Jongdae recorded almost half of them. Feeling they had made good progress, their manager dismissed them and told them they would resume tomorrow.

As they exited the studios, they were greeted by the rest of EXO-M. They all had sly grins on their faces.

“Come with us, quickly, we have a surprise,” Zitao beckoned, still wearing his winter coat. “Hurry!”

The six boys hurried down the stairs to their practice room, the smell of fresh convenience store food meeting their noses the second they opened the door. EXO-K sat amongst the bags of food, looking excited. All twelve boys would excitedly feast on their sneakily-bought reward for today’s hard work. The members of EXO huddled close as snow gently drifted to the ground outside the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! School is getting tough but I'll keep up the updates! Thank you for your comments and kudos, it means so so much! <3


	6. I'm Just Being A Good Leader, There's Nothing Weird Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zitao gets sick, and Yifan doesn't want to leave him alone at all.

April was approaching. With their first two music videos released along with individual member teasers, the members were getting excited. Their debut EP was almost done, their music video filmed, and their debut photoshoots almost done. It was late March now, and it was a day like any other.

The members of EXO were hard at work practicing as usual, the different subunits practicing in their respective practice rooms. Zitao and Luhan were chasing each other around, Yixing sat with Minseok and Jongdae helping them with some Mandarin practice, and Yifan sat by himself, practicing his part in MAMA. He was muttering the part to himself, making sure he had the parts down before clearing his throat.

Yifan was about to begin practicing when a loud sound caught his attention. He looked over to see Zitao had collapsed face-down onto the wooden floor, with Luhan right next to him. He was immediately worried and he threw his phone and headphones away, hurrying over to Zitao.

“Lu, what happened?” Yifan grabbed Zitao and flipped him over, noticing how off Zitao looked. He put a hand to the boy’s forehead to feel that he was feverish.

“I don’t know, he was fine a little bit ago!” Luhan was worried and held Zitao’s hand while Yifan looked at him. “He did seem kind of tired today and last night, do you think he’s sick or something?”

Yifan sighed and stood, taking the still passed-out Zitao into his arms. “Alright, let’s be done for today. Here’s the plan. Yixing, I need you to go get medicine. Cold medicine, fever reducer, and vitamin C supplements and drinks. Luhan, you and Minseok are on kitchen duty. We need to keep him fed and hydrated. Jongdae, will you run and tell Junmyeon that Zitao’s sick?”

One by one, the members nodded and hurried to grab their bags, running out of the room. Yifan very quickly followed, carrying Zitao with him. He had left his phone, headphones, and jacket back in the practice room, but he didn’t care. All that mattered right now was the boy in his arms, who was now starting to look more like he was just asleep. It seemed like Zitao’s poor body had just shut down from exhaustion due to the sickness he was fighting.

Yifan didn’t mind the weird looks he was getting as he carried Zitao through the streets of Seoul, he was focused. He was a little bit chilly, as it was still a bit cold outside, but he didn’t care. He ran to the dorm, busting through the door. He decided it would be easier if Zitao just used his bed, the bottom bunk, so he could be cared for easier. Yifan quickly took his shoes and jacket off, tucking him into bed. 

* * *

It took a little while, but soon the five members of EXO-M were in full caring mode. Yixing had brought the medicine, Luhan and Minseok were working on some warm soup. Jongdae had brought Yifan his things from the dorm. Yifan simply sat on the floor next to where Zitao was laying, occasionally changing the wet cloth on his forehead to help with the fever. He had gotten Zitao to take the medicine and supplements, even getting him to sip some of the vitamin C drink.

Yifan sighed, resting his head against the metal bar of the bunk bed and he looked to Zitao. “Right before debut, and he was so excited to go home.” He slowly brushed some of Zitao’s wet hair out of his face. “Get better already, everyone is worried.” Yifan pouted a bit, slowly taking Zitao’s hand into his. He was surprised at how small the younger’s hand was compared to his. Yifan hated the butterflies that filled his stomach as he looked at their hands, his ears turning red. He definitely had a soft spot for Zitao, he couldn’t help it. There was just something about him. How Zitao hadn’t been scared of him when they first met, how Zitao always stood and sat with him, how Zitao had played with his hair, how Zitao reminded him of home and safety. His ears only got more red, the color spreading to his cheeks.

A sound interrupted the tender moment and Yifan quickly drew his hand away as Luhan came in with a bowl of hot and sour soup. He set it on the bedside table and Minseok came in with a bowl for Yifan, handing it to him with a smile.

“You need to eat too, you’ve been working hard taking care of him,” Minseok said as Yifan accepted the bowl. “Luhan had a recipe from his mom and he taught me how to make it.” He beamed with pride.

Yifan couldn’t fight the tiny smile that fought its way onto his face and he nodded, trying a bit of the soup. “Oh, that’s pretty good. Thanks, I’ll wake him up and have him eat some. Could you grab two bottles of water?” He ate another bite of the soup, enjoying the taste.

Luhan brought the water and Yifan nodded gratefully. He turned to Zitao as the other two left and closed the door. The older boy gently shook his shoulder, feeling relieved when Zitao began to stir and his eyes fluttered open.

“Wake up, Zitao. You’re at home, and I have some soup for you,” Yifan cooed, not wanting to spook him.

Slowly, Zitao began to sit up, looking groggy. “Hmm?” He looked around with sleepy eyes, rubbing one of them. “Soup?” He began to smell it, and his eyes opened a bit more.

“Mhm, I have soup. Luhan and Minseok made you some soup to make you feel better, and Yixing got you medicine,” Yifan kneeled by the bed, slowly handing Zitao his bowl of soup.

Zitao looked very pleased at the sight of familiar food. “Yummy,” was all he said before he began, not really stopping to talk to Yifan.

Yifan didn’t mind at all, he was simply glad to see Zitao had an appetite and was willing to eat. He ate his own bowl peacefully with Zitao, enjoying the silence. The younger boy finished first, and he handed his bowl to Yifan, who took it and set it on the nightstand.

“What happened?” Zitao asked, yawning and hugging his pillow.

“You and Luhan were messing around and you just fainted. So we took you home.” Yifan paused, a sour expression appearing on his face. “Why didn’t you tell us you weren’t feeling well? We need you to be healthy for debut. If you told us we could have gotten you medicine and rest faster.” He wasn’t happy.

Zitao sighed, fidgeting with the blanket. “I needed the time to practice and I was worried I would miss practice time if I stayed home to rest,” he explained, looking very much like a puppy who had just peed on the rug and gotten reprimanded for it. “I’m sorry, Yifan, I thought I could power through it and that it would just go away.”

Yifan sighed and his expression relaxed after hearing the explanation. “Don’t do that again. If you’re sick, then you’re sick. I don't want you to practice and wear yourself out if you’re sick,” he paused. “It… it scared me when you passed out. Luhan was scared. Yixing and Minseok and Jongdae were scared.”

Zitao’s guilty look turned into a cheeky grin. “Oh? You were worried for me? I thought you were too cool for that, Kris.”

Yifan hated the sudden use of his stage name in this context. His cheeks went a light red and he crossed his arms. “I’m just doing my job as leader. You would be worried too if you were in my position,” he uttered, looking away.

Zitao slowly leaned forward, pressing a warm kiss to Yifan’s cheek. “Thank you, oh brave leader,” he laughed some and laid back down. He felt incredibly comfortable in Yifan’s bed, he liked how the pillow smelled of Yifan’s shampoo and the sheets were warm like Yifan’s jacket.

Yifan had been rendered speechless, his cheeks were fully red now. His insides had melted, his heart was racing, and the butterflies inside his stomach felt like birds. He knew he was screwed at this point. He literally couldn’t talk, all he could think about was how soft Zitao’s lips were and how warm the kiss was and how cute his little giggle was. He felt like a teenage girl who had just been noticed by her crush.

Zitao noticed the power he had on Yifan and it immediately went to his head. He decided to turn it up a notch. “Fan-fan, can you stay with me? I want you to stay with me as I fall asleep.” He flashed a cute smile and reached out for Yifan’s hand.

Yifan still couldn’t say anything but he slowly took Zitao’s hand. He shook off his shock and he slowly tucked Zitao in, making sure he was covered all the way by the blanket. The look of surprise in his eyes turned to fondness and the edges of his lips curled up.

There he stayed until Zitao’s eyes fluttered shut and he started breathing gently. Yifan still held Zitao’s hand, and he slowly leaned forward, kissing it. Zitao was a prince and Yifan would do nearly anything for him. He waited a while before he let go of the soft hand and stood, grabbing the bowls and silently leaving.

Yifan must have looked like a lovesick idiot when he walked out, because Luhan immediately raised a brow at him. He quickly walked over to Luhan and grabbed him by the shoulders.

“Luhan, he’s too cute. He’s just…” Yifan was having a total gay panic moment. He could barely form words. “He kissed me, he kissed my cheek. And he giggled at me. And he smiled.”

Luhan looked surprised at first when Yifan had grabbed him by the shoulders, but he began to laugh when he heard what Yifan said. “Oh Fan, you’ve got it bad! That’s cute.” He thought it was precious. “I won’t say anything, don’t worry.” 

* * *

The next day Yifan was by Zitao’s side as much as possible. Before practice he was by Zitao’s side. During their brief break for lunch, Yifan had run back to be with Zitao. After practice he was with Zitao. He chalked it up to “just being a good leader”, but in reality he simply wanted Zitao close to him.

With Yifan’s loving care and undivided attention, Zitao was back to practicing for their debut in four days. Luhan kept an eye on the two of them, and was pleased to see them sitting together and holding hands in the corner of the practice room while reciting lines. He also couldn’t ignore the way they looked at each other. Yifan liked Zitao, and Zitao liked Yifan, but neither of them knew.

Luhan could only shake his head and hope they figured it out eventually.


	7. How Long Have You Wanted To Do That?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EXO-M finally debuts. Yifan is having a great day, but not just because his career has finally begun.

Debut day.

They were preparing now. The members had never been so nervous. Yifan had never seen them so nervous. During rehearsal, the members were so focused, he could almost read their thoughts. It was almost beautiful in his opinion.

He was currently in a makeup chair, a random woman patting power onto his nose while another woman worked on his hair. He was already dressed and almost ready to go, despite them having quite a bit of time before their performance.

Zitao, who was done getting ready, sat down in the chair next to him. “Fan, there are so many people out there!” He didn’t sound scared, but rather excited. Yifan was a bit surprised at the tone, but he wasn’t going to discourage Zitao’s excitement. He couldn’t move due to the two ladies working on his hair and makeup, but he still looked at Zitao.

“Are there? How many do you think?” Yifan gave a satisfied smirk, closing his eyes as the makeup artist began to work on his eye makeup.

“I’m not sure… but some of them have signs! I saw one for me, a few for Jongdae and Minseok, a lot for Luhan, a few for Yixing.. And quite a few for you! I guess the girls think you’re hot,” Zitao said with a cheeky grin.

Yifan chuckled, trying not to move. “Of course Luhan is popular. But you know I don’t care about being popular,” he commented, shrugging.

Zitao paused, blinking. “Why is that? You don’t really… care. Why are you like that, Yifan?” He questioned, scooting closer to Yifan.

“Uhh… I’m not sure,” Yifan began, really not sure how to answer. “I was never that popular, so I realized it was kind of pointless and I didn’t bother.”

“You weren’t? But you were probably cool when you were younger, you played basketball and all,” Zitao retorted, beginning to pout.

“It was hard to be popular when I was moving so much,” Yifan said with a chuckle. “I moved to Canada when I was ten, then back home to China, then back to Canada, then Korea. I didn’t have a lot of time to settle down and make friends.”

Zitao pouted, crossing his arms. “That sounds... incredibly lonely,” he looked concerned.

“Not really, I got used to it,” Yifan said as the ladies working on his hair and makeup becan to finish up. “They didn’t know how to pronounce my name in Canada anyways.” He shrugged and turned to face Zitao.

“They didn’t know how to pronounce Yifan?” Zitao laughed some, glancing at Yifan. He couldn’t help but be charmed by how good Yifan looked when he was all dolled up and pretty.

“My name was Li Jiaheng. They didn’t know how to pronounce it so they called me Kevin, there’s a yearbook with me in it and they marked me with the name Kevin Li,” Yifan explained as he started putting his mic on.

“Kevin Li?” Zitao cringed. “That’s weird. Wu Yifan suits you more.” He began putting his mic on as well, humming as someone helped him clip the microphone battery pack to the back of his pants.

Yifan chuckled and he glanced at the other members, who were still looking nervous. He gently took Zitao’s hand and walked over to where the other members were seated, letting go of Zitao.

“You all look way too sad right now,” Yifan started, gaining the attention of his members. “We’ve been waiting for this. Some of us have waited years for this moment. Why are we worried? We practice day after day and for so long. Our managers wouldn’t have scheduled today as our debut date if they didn’t think we were ready.” He waved the members over, and they began to circle up. “We’re going to be okay.”

Feeling cheered up, Luhan hugged the two boys next to him, wrapping his arms around Minseok and Yixing. They all formed a group hug, which was harshly cut off by the show’s stage director calling for them.

“EXO-M! It’s time to go, you’re on in 30 seconds!” He called harshly, sending a frenzy through the room. Quickly the members checked themselves and hurried to the edge of the stage, out of view from the fans. The room was loud with the excited screams of the fans as the lights went down, giving the six boys the opportunity to hurry onto the stage and get into their positions. They quickly and quietly got into their positions as they had hundreds of times before.

The music started playing in their in-ears. The lights came up and the six sets of eyes looked into the hundreds of eyes peering up at them. The music picked up and it was time to go.

They performed fluidly, the movements flowing through their muscles nearly perfectly. They had practiced well enough, their bodies remembered the motions without much thought. Three minutes passed in two seconds and it ended as hastily as it started. The lights went down, and they walked offstage quickly.

That’s when it became real for Yifan. He finally realized what had just happened; they had just debuted. They were a real group now. They got back to the makeup room and he looked to Zitao, who shared his expression of “oh my god, that just happened”.

Zitao pulled Yifan into a sudden but tight hug, surprising the older man. But the hug wasn’t unwelcome and it took half a second for Yifan to wrap his arms around Zitao. They were alone for about five seconds before the other four members piled onto the hug, laughing happily.

It was a happy day. 

* * *

After they had changed clothes and had taken their makeup off, they filed into the car. Yifan sat in the back of the van with Zitao, their hands falling into place naturally. Zitao leaned his head against Yifan’s shoulder.

“You looked really cool today, Fan,” Zitao said with a drowsy tone, squeezing Yifan’s hand gently. “Really cool. I think your mother was at home watching, thinking the same thing.” He gave a soft laugh.

Yifan grinned at the thought of his mother. “She’ll like you when you meet her,” he replied gently, resting his head against Zitao’s.

“Hmm? When I meet her? You want me to meet your mom?” Zitao questioned, looking up to Yifan.

“Why not?”

Zitao blushed gently. “Nothing, it's just cute that you would want to introduce me to your mother,” he explained with a smile.

The sky was getting darker, it was getting later in the day. The boys were drowsy and hungry, taking turns to snooze as their manager drove them through the heavy city traffic. He decided to treat them with some food, ordering it at a red light. It would arrive when they got to their hotel.

Yifan was still awake, and he looked down to Zitao, who was fighting sleep. “Tao,” he whispered. “Can I try something?” His cheeks were red, but it was dark enough to conceal it.

Zitao sat up and looked in his direction. He yawned and stretched gently. “Mhm, go ahead,” he answered sleepily, still leaning against Yifan gently.

Yifan built up all his courage. He let go of Zitao’s hand and slowly lifted it to Zitao’s chin. He slowly leaned in, his eyes fluttering shut as he slowly kissed the younger boy. His heart was racing, hoping so dearly that he wasn’t being too bold.

Zitao’s eyes widened as Yifan held his chin and pulled him closer, but he quickly melted against Yifan’s lips like he’d done this a million times before. He returned the kip, his lips slowly fluttering against Yifan’s. He leaned into the taller man, gently holding onto his arms.

Zitao was the first one to pull away, a flustered smile on his face. He caught his breath and took Yifan’s hands into his own. “How long have you wanted to do that?” He asked, his eyes sparkling.

Yifan gave a big goofy grin as he looked to Zitao, squeezing his hands. “Um… Since you first danced in front of Junmyeon and I. The look in your eyes-” he paused, his cheeks growing redder. “...it was hot.”

Zitao laughed some and he leaned into Yifan. “Cute. You’re secretly cute, Fanfan,” he said, sighing happily.

Yifan paused before speaking. “First of all, I’m not cute. Second of all, what about you? You seemed eager, it seems like you’ve wanted to kiss me for a while,” he said with a light chuckle.

Zitao blushed a bit more. “Uh… I saw you at the park a while ago playing basketball with Yixing, I think. I was there with some of the other trainees. You seemed really focused, but you had this smile on your face,” he explained, giving a dreamy sigh. “At that moment I realized I wanted to at least meet you. I was floored when our manager approached me and told me I was being considered for EXO-M.”

Yifan only smiled more. “You know, maybe we should play basketball together. Just the two of us. It could be fun,” he said gently wrapping an arm around Zitao. “You did so well when Junmyeon introduced you.”

Zitao had never felt his heart race so fast.

The rest of the car ride was quiet and peaceful, Yifan and Zitao were snoozing, leaned against each other with their hands intertwined between them. No one was awake to hear or notice what they had done, so it was their little secret. They had decided to keep their relationship quiet, not wanting it to affect the other members or their work. They were professionals, after all. They had held back just fine so far, right?

* * *

The car arrived at their hotel and the manager began waking the members up. They started getting out of the car, surprised to be suddenly surrounded by fangirls and photographers. Yifan’s leader instincts kicked in and he grabbed his members, holding them as close to his body as he could. He was shielding them from the girls as they shuffled inside. As they made it inside the glass doors shut behind them, and Yifan sent a frustrated glare to the girls waiting outside.

Yifan groaned, looking to the other five men standing with him. “Are you all alright? Everyone here?” He took a headcount and checked his boys one by one, making sure they were okay. His back ached a little bit, someone had slammed into him roughly. It would probably bruise. “Let’s get back to the room and try to relax.”

Calmly and quietly the six boys made their way to the three rooms that awaited them. They took the time to shower and change into comfortable clothes. Yifan was sharing a room with Yixing. Yifan took off his shirt, suddenly groaning in pain.

Yixing, who had been brushing his teeth, looked over to Yifan. He spit the toothpaste out of his mouth and rinsed it away. He approached Yifan. “Can I look at it? It looks like it’s bruising.” He sat on the bed next to Yifan, who nodded gently. Yifan turned to face away from him so Yixing could see his back.

“It looks like it hurts… This girl really slammed into you. I might have some bruise medicine, let me get it,” Yixing said comfortingly. He quickly fetched the medicine and sat back down, beginning to apply it to Yifan’s back. “Our manager is mad, he’s on the phone right now. Hopefully we get some security and better privacy next time.”

Yifan nodded as Yixing rubbed the soothing gel onto his skin. “Mhm, I was worried. We could have been trampled. If it’s only me that gets hurt, then it’s fine. I’ll be okay.” He sighed gently.

Yixing pouted gently. “No, you shouldn’t have to get hurt at all!” He finished applying the gel and went to rinse the excess off of his hands. “The crazy fans should learn to behave.” He gave a huff.

Yifan nodded and put his shirt back on slowly. “I suppose you’re right,” he admitted, standing up.

The members began to gather in Yifan and Yixing’s room, relaxing on the two beds and couch together. Their very flustered looking manager came in with bags of food, distributing them to the hungry boys. They began eating quietly as he addressed them. He spoke about the performance and how good it was. He spoke about little things they could improve. He spoke about upcoming performances. But most importantly, he spoke about what had just happened outside the hotel.

“Is anyone hurt?” He asked, looking to the members.

Yifan wasn’t going to say anything, but Yixing piped up. “Yifan has a big bruise forming on his back. I already applied medicine to it, but it looks painful,” he explained, ignoring Yifan’s “stop talking” look.

The manager sighed. “Alright.” He turned to Yifan, looking a bit concerned. “Will you be alright?”

“I’ll tell you if it doesn’t get any better,” Yifan explained. All the members were looking at him with concern. “I just did what I thought would keep the other members safe.”

The manager nodded. “Okay. I’ve already spoken with my boss. Next time we will be accompanied by security. I’m surprised they didn’t send us with security this time anyways,” he huffed. “That’s enough for today. Tomorrow I’ll wake you all up bright and early for the flight back to Korea.” He dismissed them.

Luhan and Jongdae went to their room together, and Minseok made his way out. Zitao approached Yifan. “Can I see your back?” He was obviously worried, not liking that his new boyfriend had been hurt. “Is it bad?”

“It feels a little bit better after the medicine,” Yifan began as he lifted the back of his shirt so Zitao could see the bruise. “I’ll be okay.”

Zitao gently ran his hand over the irritated skin. “Okay… be more careful next time,” he whined.

Yifan put his shirt back down and turned to face Zitao. Yixing had gone to do something else outside of the room, so Yifan took his opportunity. He leaned in for a gentle kiss, which Zitao accepted. It was brief, but it was enough for the two of them.

Zitao smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sleep well Fanfan,” he cooed gently.

Yifan blushed lightly and squeezed his hands. “Sleep well, Taozi,” he gently let go of him. Zitao walked towards the door, glancing back at Yifan one more time before stepping out.


	8. A Coughing Fit Isn't Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yifan is silly in thinking his growing sickness is just a bad cold. Luckily, he has eleven boys looking out for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes Yifan getting super sick. If sickness, hospitals, or mentions of IVs upset you, then click away. Thank you!

The group was growing in success. They had, in the last few months, released their first full album XOXO, which had done amazing things for their popularity. Everything had been upgraded. Their dance studios were upgraded with new mirrors, better air circulation, a better sound system, and even a nice new fridge for drinks. They had been moved to much bigger, nicer dorms. They now shared one huge apartment. It had six bedrooms and four bathrooms, meaning two members would share rooms. The members’ new roommates were randomly picked, so Yifan was paired with Yixing. The apartment also had a large common area, fitted with two huge sectional couches and a full kitchen. A lot of the members were enjoying the living room, it had become a popular area for snuggling and playing video games and napping and watching movies.

They were working on their next project, a Christmas album to be released in December of 2013. It would be their third Christmas together. But it was mid September now, so they still had time. Their management was giving them a small break as a reward for doing so well.

Yifan was grateful, as he had a secret to keep; he was starting to feel really unwell. It was getting harder and harder to conceal that he wasn’t feeling well. He was sure it wasn’t that serious, just a cold with heavy respiratory congestion. But that wasn’t what he was worried about. 

It was the stabbing pains in his chest that bothered him. Doing simple things was becoming increasingly difficult. It was getting so bad that he was spending most of his time in bed, burning up with a fever and muffling his coughs. He was isolating himself, not wanting his members to see he was suffering. He also didn’t know if whatever he had was contagious, so he stayed away from the others. 

Yixing was the first to notice, becoming rapidly concerned. It all came to a breaking point when he woke up one day to Yifan, his face beet red, in a serious coughing fit. It was terrifying seeing his leader wheeze and struggle to breathe as he clutched his chest. He knew he had to do something, he feared for Yifan’s life. 

Yixing very quietly slipped out of his bed, tip-toeing his way out of the room and to the room that Junmyeon and Sehun shared. He gently shook the other leader awake. “Junmyeon, I need your help,” he pleaded, his voice dripping with worry.

Junmyeon took a moment to wake up, as it was four in the morning, but he sat up. “Hmm?” he paused, rubbing his eyes with a big yawn. “What’s up?”

“It’s Yifan. I think this cold he’s been struggling with is something serious. I think he needs to go to the hospital,” Yixing explained carefully, whispering as to not wake Sehun. 

Junmyeon was awake now. He went to open his mouth to speak when he heard Yifan coughing and wheezing through the walls. His eyes were open wide as he heard the older male groan, trying to catch his breath. “Oh my god, I think you’re right. Let’s take him quietly, I don’t want to scare the others.” He quickly got up, putting a pair of slippers on as he and Yixing made their way to Yifan’s room.

When they turned on the light, Yifan was still, somehow, asleep. His face was still a deep red and he was sweating profusely, despite the fact that two fans were pointed directly at him. Before approaching him, Junmyeon and Yixing had put on masks to make sure they didn’t watch whatever Yifan had. Just in case. 

“Let’s not wake him. Let’s try to carry him. I’ll take his hands, you take his feet. We’ll get him outside and call a taxi. Then we’ll take him to the hospital,” Junmyeon explained, earning a nod from Yixing.

“Wait. Maybe we should just take an ambulance. It’ll be more private, fans might not find out. And we should probably call our manager,” Yixing offered. 

“Okay. I just don’t want to cause a stir,” Junmyeon explained.

* * *

Within twenty minutes, they had arrived at the hospital. Poor Yifan was still unconscious, but the cool September air had helped him stop sweating as much. He was admitted quickly, being given an IV to help with dehydration and the fever. It also had a light sedative to help with his rough cough.

Yixing ended up going home, Junmyeon deciding to stay with their leader. Yixing had been given instructions to tell the members what had happened very gently. 

“We’ll keep you updated, Xing,” Junmyeon said, hugging Yixing. “Thank you for waking me up. I think you made the right call by saying he needed to go to the hospital.”

Yixing gave a tired smile as he hugged Junmyeon back. “Thanks, Myeonnie,” he said gently before leaving the waiting room and getting into the car that would take him home. 

Junmyeon and the manager waited for three hours, watching the sun come up through a window adjacent to where they were sitting. 

A nurse finally came out bowing politely to the two men. “After a bit of rapid testing, we finally have a diagnosis,” she gently explained. “We’ve confirmed that he is not contagious, so you may see him if you wish. He is still asleep, but his fever has gone down slightly.”

Junmyeon quickly stood, nodding. “Yes, I’d like to see him,” he said hastily. He manager stood too, and they followed the nurse when she began walking. 

As they entered Yifan’s room, Junmyeon was shocked to see how bad Yifan looked. The poor boy had tubes hooked up to him everywhere, heart monitor nodes pasted all over his body, and an oxygen mask on. His face wasn’t as red anymore and he wasn’t sweating, but he still looked exhausted. 

The nurse picked up a file sitting on the counter within the room. “After testing him for several things, checking his lungs, and an ECG, we’ve concluded that he is dealing with an acute form of myocarditis, a form of swelling of the muscles of the heart,” she began, stopping as she noticed Junmyeon’s face pale. “You were right to bring him here, he may not have survived had he stayed at home.”

Junmyeon felt his eyes wetten as he looked from the nurse to Yifan. He could say nothing, he was simply stunned and filled with anxiety. “What… what can we do… to help him? Is it treatable?” He asked, his hands shaking.

“Yes. Because he was brought in at this time, we are already devising a plan for treatment. It will most likely include supportive therapy, light medication, and bed rest. We are still determining if he requires surgery. If he cannot successfully complete his therapy, then we will consider operating. For now, we are going to keep him here to monitor him and give him some medicine,” the nurse explained, closing the file she was reading from. 

Junmyeon gave a shaky breath. “I will see to it that he stays in bed,” he promised, looking to the manager.

The manager nodded, turning to Junmyeon. “He will not participate in the winter album unless he makes a serious recovery. No dancing practice, no recording songs, nothing. No fan signs or concerts,” he said, patting Junmyeon on the shoulder. “I’ll make sure he gets time to rest.”

As he said that, Yifan stirred, his eyes slowly fluttering open. He was very woozy, his vision blurry. His body felt heavy. He could only vaguely see the three people standing in the room, but he recognized Junmyeon’s outline.

Junmyeon noticed he was awake when he heard Yifan’s heart monitor pick up a little bit. He gently approached Yifan, who looked right at him. 

Yifan blinked at him, as he wasn’t able to do much else. “J-,” he began, trying to speak.

Junmyeon shook his head. “No, don’t talk, I’ll explain if you’re confused,” he said, gently patting Yifan’s shoulder. “You’re in the hospital, Yixing and I brought you about three hours ago. You’re pretty sick, so you’re going to take some time off to get better.”

Yifan furrowed his brows, he was disappointed. “Wh- wha- wh-,” he kept trying to speak, trying to express that he was upset. 

Junmyeon shook his head. He had an idea. “Do you think you could use your finger to type on your phone?” He had brought Yifan’s phone just in case, and he gently handed it to Yifan. He used the remote to his bed to slowly sit him up. 

Yifan looked to the phone and he slowly unlocked it, using a finger to open the notes app. He began to type, his finger shaky. He managed to type “xmas”.

“Oh, the album? You can only be on it if you rest well, take all your medicine, and get better. It’s a big “if”, Yifan,” Junmyeon said, earning a disappointed and weak groan from Yifan.

Next, Yifan typed “tao”. He wanted his boyfriend. 

“The others most likely aren’t awake yet. I told Yixing to tell them when they were all awake, so they could get sleep without worrying too much about you. My guess is that they’ll be here in an hour or two,” Junmyeon explained, shrugging.

Yifan nodded, he was okay with that answer. He was getting better at the typing, this time typing “glad member not worry”. Then, he followed it up with “thanks”. He began to feel a little sleepy, his eyelids feeling heavy. He yawned.

“Go ahead and rest, we’ll wake you up when they get here,” Junmyeon yawned too. “Would it be okay if I went home and slept and came back with the others?” He felt bad for saying that, but he was just so freaking tired. He would have absolutely stayed if he wasn’t.

Yifan nodded, typing out “go sleep, members need a leader”. He yawned again. “Could bring jjmyeon please?” 

Junmyeon nodded, smiling a little. “Sure, once I get the okay we’ll get you all the jjajangmyeon you want,” he said, glad Yifan was in somewhat good spirits.

Yifan gave a weak thumbs up before he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Yifan’s hospital room door was busted open about two and a half hours later. Leading the pack of boys was a slightly hysterical Zitao. Then again, it was reasonable for him to be upset. He woke up to learn that his boyfriend of almost a year and a half is in the hospital with something serious. His eyes were red from his crying, and he ran over to the bed. 

Luhan decided to hold the other members back. He had figured out that they were together. That, and he had also walked in on them kissing in the dance studio about six months ago. “They’re best friends,” Luhan explained, holding the boys back. “Let’s give them some alone time.” 

So Zitao was left alone with his sleeping sick boyfriend. He trembled gently, his hand gently taking Yifan’s. He pressed a kiss to his cold hand, careful not to disturb the IV that was taped to his bruising skin. 

The kiss was enough to wake Yifan up, his eyes fluttering open gently. Upon realizing it was Zitao before him, he shifted a little. He was regaining a bit more control over himself, so he sat up a little more. 

Zitao’s eyes shot to Yifan’s, his tears spilling over again. “Fan… I had such a bad feeling about this cold of yours and I didn’t do anything… I’m sorry,” he apologized.

Yifan shook his head rapidly. He did his best to scoot over, making a small space for Zitao next to him. He slowly reached up and pulled his oxygen mask up so he could speak. “Tao, sit, please?” He put the oxygen mask back.

Zitao sighed and hoisted himself up, sitting next to the older male on the bed. “Next time you’re sick, please just go to the doctor,” he said, looking at him. 

Yifan rolled his eyes but he nodded. He took his oxygen mask off and he slowly leaned forward, pressing a cold kiss to Zitao’s cheek. “I’ll be okay,” Yifan paused to take a breath from his oxygen mask. “This, not your fault. You trusted me.” Another pause, another breath. “Glad you’re here. Missed you.” He put his mask back on and he leaned against Zitao’s shoulder.

Zitao sighed and he wiped his tears. He slowly took Yifan’s hand into his, taking deep breaths. “I love you, Yifan.” 

Yifan looked at him with sparkling eyes. “I love you too, Zitao,” he said through his mask. 

They stayed like that for a while. Yifan enjoyed Zitao’s warmth, and Zitao enjoyed the comforting beep of the heart monitor that reminded him that his idiot of a boyfriend was still here. They spoke only a little. 

Their time was cut short by a very impatient Luhan knocking on the door. “We want to see him too!” He yelled, pouting.

Zitao groaned and slowly got up. There was only one problem: Yifan stubbornly refused to let go of his hand. Every time Zitao tried to pull his hand away, Yifan would just hold onto him, pouting a little. 

“Fanfan, I have to go,” Zitao explained with a light smile on his face.

Yifan smiled too. “I want you to stay, Taozi,” he pleaded. 

Zitao just smiled and kissed his hand. “Maybe after everyone is done with you. I’ll come back.” 

“Okay,” Yifan replied, looking like an excited toddler who had just been promised candy. He gently let go of Zitao, who blew him a kiss before making his way out. 

One by one, the members came to see him. Luhan laughed at him for being so stubborn. Junmyeon talked business with him, telling him that everything was set up for his bed rest. A relieved looking Yixing came in with another blanket, tucking him in warmly. Minseok talked about how SM had announced that he was sick and that fans were worried but wishing him well. Jongdae cheered him up by bringing some of Yifan’s songwriting and drawing notebooks, along with pencils and pens. Baekhyun showed Yifan pictures of his dog. Sehun had brought Yifan’s favorite stuffed alpaca plushie from the dorms. Kyungsoo brought cookies he had baked out of anxiety. Jongin also brought Yifan a blanket and put it on him. Chanyeol, to Yifan’s surprise, had very thoughtfully brought him some hot packs if he needed them in the cold hospital room.

Yifan felt very loved, happily snuggling into the blankets he was given. He was even more pleased when Zitao came into the room and they were able to resume their snuggling. 

Yifan held Zitao’s hand and melted into him, his spirits high. He looked to Zitao. “I got lucky,” he began quietly.

Zitao smiled. “What makes you say that?” 

“I just am,” Yifan said, yawning. “Stay here until I fall asleep?”

Zitao nodded and they shared a kiss. He would stay by Yifan’s side no matter what.


	9. He Has A Big Heart- Literally And Figuratively

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yifan struggles a little, but he feels his strongest with his beloved boyfriend next to him. He'll be okay.

Zitao visited Yifan in the hospital every day for as long as he could. There were some times that he visited and he was able to push Yifan around in a wheelchair, but there were some times that Yifan’s condition had worsened and all they could do is nap together. He was grateful to their management for letting the members have such an extended break, he really needed the time to spend with Yifan. 

The chances of Yifan participating in the upcoming winter album were practically nonexistent, as it was November and he still couldn’t stay back in the dorms for more than three days without needing to go back to the hospital with a flare up. It bothered him not being able to participate, but he knew participating would only make his condition worse and he would be out of commission for a longer period of time. So he cooperated with treatment as much as he could. 

It was November 3rd, a few days before Yifan’s 23rd birthday. Zitao came in as one of his nurses was putting a bit of medicine into his IV to suppress his cough a bit. He was dealing with a mini flare up, but it wasn’t too bad. 

His eyes flicked up from the sketchbook he had been doodling in to the boy coming through the door. Yifan smiled gently, setting the sketchbook and pencil on the table next to his bed. “Hi Taozi,” he said cheerily. He was always cheered up by Zitao’s visits.

Zitao gave a smile as he sat on the bed next to Yifan. “Hi Fanfan,” he greeted gently. He placed a kiss on Yifan’s lips quickly. Yifan no longer needed a full oxygen mask, only a cannula that went through his nose. “What do you want to do today?”

“I want to go for a walk,” Yifan declared.

“Walk? You’re not supposed to be walking right now,” Zitao protested.

“I’ve been working on it a little bit and the nurses said I can. As long as I take my IV pole and my oxygen tank, I can walk around the hospital. We just can’t go outside yet,” Yifan explained. “I’m tired of sitting in this bed. I want to walk with you.”

Zitao looked skeptical but he shrugged. “Alright. Do you need me to help you up?” He asked, standing gently. He took his coat off and set it on one of the chairs in the room. 

Yifan shook his head. “I want to do it myself,” he said, pulling the blanket off of himself. He slowly swung his legs to the side, letting them hang off the bed. Slowly, Yifan lifted himself up, his feet gently touching the ground. He stood up, gently pushing off of the bed. He puffed his chest with pride as he steadied himself. “See? I’m okay.” 

Zitao was pleased with Yifan’s progress, giving a gleeful smile. He took Yifan’s hand. “You’re doing so well, you haven’t had any bad flare ups in a while and you’re walking. I hope you’ll be home for Christmas,” he said, taking Yifan’s oxygen tank cart into his empty hand. 

Yifan began pulling his IV pole and they slowly began taking steps outside of the room. He was glad to walk with Zitao, it felt good not to be trapped in that bed. “How are things going with the album? Have you started recording yet?” he asked, looking to Zitao. 

“We started recording the Korean songs yesterday. We’ll record some versions without you and later when you’re ready, we’ll record some with you. Junmyeon suggested making the versions with you this little EP, it was a sweet idea,” Zitao said as they strolled. 

Yifan nodded. “That sounds good,” he said assuringly. “I wish I could just be back already, I miss the dorm and I miss everyone.” His smile fell, it was obvious that being in the hospital more and more was beginning to really get to him. 

Zitao sighed, his smile gone too. “It’s no one’s fault. You’re doing your best,” he replied, trying to stay hopeful. 

Yifan went quiet, not really sure what to say next. He noticed something outside as they passed by a window, and it made the man stop suddenly, his eyes glued to the scene outside. 

There were fans outside the hospital, holding signs. Some of them were in Chinese, some in Korean, and even some in English. Some fans held balloons, some held gift bags. They were here for his birthday, they had organized week-long celebrations for him. When they saw him by the window, they began to cheer for him, waving their signs happily. 

Yifan’s eyes were wide, and a smile slowly began to form on his face. He waved to the fans, who waved back to him excitedly. He read some of the signs. 

“Feel better soon!” “We miss you!” “Wu Yifan fighting!” “Happy birthday Kris!” “EXO-M leader fighting!” “Happy Kris Day!” “EXO is 12!” “Happy birthday leader!”

Yifan couldn’t fight the small smile that played its way onto his face. He felt really loved, with his boyfriend and his fans close. “Did you know anything about this, Tao?” He asked, looking to Tao.

Tao laughed gently, squeezing his hand. “I may have helped them organize it a little bit,” he admitted bashfully.

“You’re cute,” Yifan stated simply. With one final wave to the fans, he began to slowly walk again, using Zitao as a stabilizer. When they were out of view of the window, Yifan stumbled a little. “I need to get back to the room.” He was feeling weak now and he needed to rest. 

Zitao nodded in understanding, turning them around so they were walking back towards Yifan’s room. Yifan’s steps were slower and shakier, he was losing strength fast. Zitao noticed how the older man was starting to lose color in his face, and he panicked. 

Zitao yelled for help, and a nurse came to their aid. “He’s going to faint, we need to get him back to his room!” He exclaimed, pulling Yifan’s IV pole and oxygen cart as the nurse hurriedly carried the other male.

They made it to the room just in time. The second Yifan hit the bed he was out, his body drained of strength. Some beeping filled the room and Yifan’s nursing team came in to assist him. They put an oxygen mask on him and put some medicine into his IV to hopefully help him out. The nurses chattered amongst themselves quietly, their voices seeming worried.

One of them turned to Zitao, looking worried through the mask she was wearing. “We’re going to have to test his heart, an EKG and an ultrasound. We’re worried he may need surgery on his heart,” she explained gently as the beeping continued.

Zitao fell into a chair and ran his hands through his hair. “Why isn’t he getting better? He should be getting at least a little better. He’s not making any progress!” He shouted, his face beginning to turn red. “He’s still coughing, he’s still unable to breathe without help, he can’t walk. What is going on?”

The nurse wasn’t surprised at Zitao’s anger. “We think that he’s been, how you say, “hitting a wall” with his progress. He’ll get better, but then something is blocking him from full recovery and he gets unwell again. We… we hope that operating may remove this blockage in his recovery,” she explained. “It would be a low-risk operation. We will be sure to keep you updated, you may stay here until he has finished his testing.”

The nurse bowed to poor Zitao and the three nurses wheeled Yifan’s bed out of the room to take him to testing.

* * *

It was hard, but Zitao ended up dozing off. He hated sleeping in these hospital chairs, but he knew he needed to do something to fill his time. He had wrapped himself in one of the blankets Yifan had been using. It didn’t smell right. Ever since Yifan had been in the hospital, he hadn’t had that smell to him that Zitao liked. He chalked it up to different soaps and a different environment. 

It had been about two and a half hours when the hospital room’s automatic lights came on again. Yifan was being wheeled back in, looking drowsy but alright. He rubbed his eyes and blinked when he saw Zitao waking up. 

“So, what’s the conclusion?” Zitao asked, sitting up. He clutched the blanket close, the room was slightly chilly. 

“We will have to operate. We can operate as soon as tonight, as it is considered somewhat urgent,” one of the nurses explained, the same nurse that had spoken to him earlier. “You can have lunch with him if you wish, but then he isn’t allowed to eat anything else until after his operation.” 

Zitao nodded at her, slowly standing. “Are you okay?” He asked as the nursed bowed and left to give them some privacy. 

“I’m… nervous. But, also a little excited. What if this finally gets me out of here?” Yifan started, his voice low from sleep. “I think I’ll be okay.”

Zitao sat next to him. “I hope we can be done with this. I’m so tired of seeing you like this, Yifan. Everyone is tired,” he said, a hint of anger bubbling up in his voice.

Yifan nodded, wrapping an arm around him. “I’m tired as hell too. I’m so tired of not being able to leave. I hate this hospital and how it smells, how it’s always cold. I’m tired of being bruised all the time from the IVs.” He paused, turning to look at Zitao. Yifan looked a little angry too, but it melted slightly when he looked into his eyes. Zitao just had that effect on him. “But… I’m glad you were here with me.’

Zitao felt his frustration dissolve as he looked into the eyes of the man he was head over heels for. He slowly shifted forward and their lips connected like they had many times before. No matter how many times they kissed, they never got tired of it. There was just something about the way Yifan’s lips had a fire to them. And Yifan loved how soft Zitao’s lips were. They just always reminded him that he belonged to Zitao, and Zitao belonged to him. They were each other’s, and that was okay. Their kisses reminded each other of the constant; everything would turn out okay.

And it was okay. Yifan went in for surgery at about 1AM, and the only thing he complained about was how hungry he was. Zitao understood, he hadn’t eaten since 11AM that morning, and Yifan had had to suffer through watching the other boy eat. 

“This will take a while,” Zitao was told by the surgeon assigned to Yifan’s operation. “I would recommend going home. My estimate is about six or seven hours. Go home, get some sleep. We’ll call you when he’s out of surgery.” 

Zitao was understandably tired, and he nodded to the surgeon. He left, the car ride home seeming way too long and way too quiet. He knew deep down that Yifan would be okay, but it was exhausting telling himself that day after day. He had been telling himself that for two months now. 

The company car dropped him off at home and he made his way inside, his tired feet trudging up the stairs. He stepped inside and slipped his shoes off, heading in the direction of the showers. Bathing often made him feel better, the hot water soothing his stiff muscles and relieving a bit of his stress as it carried the day’s sweat and dirt with it. This shower was no different. He had decided to play some music as he showered to cheer himself up, and it did, slightly. 

He changed into something comfortable as he walked into his room, glad to see that Luhan was asleep in his bed. He dried his hair a little and tossed the towel inside, letting out a loud sigh. 

Luhan stirred. “Mmm… Tao?” He called gently, turning to face the younger boy. 

“Sorry, Lu. Didn’t mean to wake you,” Zitao replied apologetically, sitting on his own bed and plugging his phone charger into his phone. He set his phone down on the bedside table.

“I’m sorry about Yifan,” Luhan said gently. “Would you like to come sleep with me?”

Zitao felt a lump in his throat. He missed sleeping with someone else, it wasn’t the same sleeping with Yifan in a hospital bed. “Y-yeah,” he said, sheepishly making his way over to Luhan’s side of the room. He slowly laid down next to Luhan, who wrapped him warmly in the blanket and pulled him in close. 

“You’ve been so strong for him, Tao. And he loves you for it,” Luhan said gently, petting Zitao’s hair. “He loves you a lot.”

Zitao sniffled, tears beginning to run down his cheeks. “It’s just so hard seeing him so miserable, Lu,” he said, his voice shaking and broken. 

“I know, it’s hard for us too.” There was a quiet pause as Zitao cried and Luhan just held him, gently rubbing his back. “You know, I still remember the day he first realized he had feelings for you.”

Zitao sniffled, looking up to Luhan in the very dim light. “W-what?” 

“You got sick that one time before debut and he spent all day taking care of you, he didn’t leave your side. After you had finally fallen asleep, he came out looking really flustered. Everyone else had gone to bed so it was just me in the old dorm with him. I asked him what had happened and he said you had kissed his cheek. It was the happiest I’d seen him,” Luhan explained, beginning to smile gently. “He loves you. He loves you a lot. I see the way he looks at you. He still looks at you like that. Even when he’s tired and weak, he still looks at you like he’s in love with you.”

Zitao held Luhan tightly, not speaking for a moment. “He… he never wants to show it, but… he has a really big heart. He’s really cute. You should have seen the way he reacted to the fans yesterday. He wanted to keep up that “cool guy” image he has, but he still smiled,” he recalled, remembering how sweet Yifan had looked watching their fans. “He has a lot of love in him.”

Luhan nodded. “Now, you need to sleep. You’ll see him tomorrow. For now, sleep,” he cooed, still cuddling Zitao. 

Zitao gave a relaxed sigh. “Thanks, Lu. You would make a great dad,” he said gently.

Luhan chuckled lightly. 


	10. I'm Glad To See You Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yifan is doing better. Zitao is his medicine, as always.

Zitao finally got the call, later than expected. He woke up with Luhan at nine in the morning, and he still hadn't received any calls. It wasn’t until nine-thirty, as Zitao was getting out of the shower, that Yifan was out of surgery. 

“He woke up very briefly, but then he went to a natural sleep,” the surgeon explained to him over the phone as Zitao quickly got into a company car. “He’s in good condition today, the surgery was a success. We have breakfast prepared for him, and we can get you some if you’d like to eat as well.”

“Yes please,” Zitao replied gently, ignoring the hunger pains in his stomach. “Thank you for taking care of him.” He paused. “Will he have a scar on his chest?”

“Unfortunately, yes. The incision was bigger than we had hoped, but it will fade with time. If he cares for it well it will heal cleanly,” the surgeon explained. “I understand this could be inconvenient in his line of work, but it could be concealed with a shirt or makeup once fully healed. I will have a nurse give you some papers with care instructions upon your arrival.”

“Thank you, that will help a lot,” Zitao said gently. “Do you need anything from me? Does he have an estimated date of release?”

“He will be in intensive care today and if he stays stable, he will be moved to a normal room. After that, he could be out in seven to ten days.”

Zitao groaned internally. He knew hoping Yifan would be released for his birthday was a stretch. “Okay. I don’t have any more questions. I will see you soon.”

“Of course. Have a nice day,” the surgeon said before hanging up.

Zitao was annoyed, but he was also relieved. Would Yifan finally be able to come home and stay home? 

The drive to the hospital took a little longer than Zitao found comfortable, as the streets were packed with people driving to work. He messed around on his phone while he sat in the car. The boy put his earphones into his ears, deciding to listen to some music he knew would cheer him up. He thought it might be a little strange, but he really enjoyed listening to their debut song. He liked hearing Yifan’s voice, especially the yelling part. Oh, how the yelling part made butterflies flutter around in his stomach. There was just something about the passion in Yifan’s voice. 

But more importantly, it reminded him of their debut day. He could still remember performing, running to hug Yifan, then kissing him on the way home. Zitao’s cheeks began heating up as he remembered that day. He would never forget how Yifan’s eyes sparkled when they looked at each other after they kissed. No one else in the world knew about that moment, it was theirs to keep. 

Finally, the car came to a stop in front of the hospital. Zitao’s eyes shot up from his phone to the door, which was being opened for him. He put his jacket hood up and stood up. “Thank you,” he said briefly to the driver with a gentle bow to his head. He began walking into the hospital as he had done many times before. 

Zitao gave a wave to the ladies working the reception desk, they knew him well enough by now. They knew why he was here, and who he was here for. And Zitao couldn’t miss that they looked more pleased than they usually did. He would sometimes stop to talk to them, sometimes giving updates on Yifan. But word had spread around the hospital fast this morning about Yifan’s successful surgery, and they already knew. They greeted Zitao with polite bows and waves, matched with big smiles. 

Zitao greeted them back and bowed before hurriedly proceeding to the stairs. He usually took the elevator, but today he was too excited. The twenty year old flew up the stairs, hurrying to the third floor where Yifan stayed. He threw the stairwell door open, but he paused, remembering Yifan was in intensive care for today. 

So back down the stairs he went, back to the reception desk. His cheeks were a little red from the hasty climb of the stairs. Zitao approached the desk shyly. 

“Ah, I forgot to ask. Where has Wu Yifan been moved to? I know he usually stays in room 342, but since he’s been moved, I’m not sure,” Zitao explained politely. 

“Of course. He’s on the bottom floor, room 183. It’s down that hallway, and if you get lost you can just follow the room numbers. I believe his room is marked with his name as well,” the woman at the desk kindly explained, motioning to a hallway to the left of the reception. A sign on the wall read “INTENSIVE CARE UNIT - ICU”. 

“Perfect. Thank you,” Zitao said gratefully before scurrying off in the direction of the ICU hallway. It took about forty-five seconds for Zitao to find the room, marked with Yifan’s name as the receptionist had described. He slowly turned the doorknob and peeked into the room. 

Yifan was laying on the bed, looking as he usually did. He had a few more tubes in him than usual, but Zitao didn’t mind. He slowly approached his boyfriend and ran a gentle hand through his blonde hair. “Yifan, wake up. I’m here now,” he cooed gently. He pulled a chair up to Yifan’s bed, sitting next to the head of the bed. Zitao glanced at the different tubes hooked up to various machines surrounding the head of the bed. Most of them looked like IVs giving him medicine and painkillers and antibiotics and fluids. There was also an oxygen mask giving him oxygen, and a heart monitor node wrapped around his finger. The numbers on the monitor screen looked better than they had been in a while. 

Zitao gave a relieved sigh. He gently pressed a kiss to Yifan’s forehead. “Wake up now, Fanfan,” he softly called, playing with Yifan’s hair. “They’re going to bring us breakfast. You’re allowed to eat now.”

Slowly, with Zitao’s kisses and gentle whisperings, Yifan began to wake up. His eyelids fluttered and slowly his eyes opened, slowly looking to Zitao. Under the oxygen mask, Yifan’s lips curled up into a little smile. He yawned, rubbing his eyes gently. Yifan felt around for his bed remote, and he pressed one of the buttons to sit himself up. He stretched gently, suddenly stopping when he felt pain. 

“Oh- I forgot,” Yifan gently said with another raspy yawn. He stretched more gently, not straining himself. He rubbed his eyes again, looking back to Zitao when he put his hands back down. “So am I okay?”

Zitao rolled his eyes but smiled, gently taking Yifan’s hand. “They’re hoping to have you out of here in seven to ten days. You’ll be in the intensive care unit as a precaution. That’s where we are now,” he explained, glad Yifan seemed calm. 

“Okay,” Yifan simply said. “Can we celebrate my birthday when I get out? I don’t want to wait until next year.”

Zitao chuckled, glad that that was the only thing Yifan was worried about. “We already made plans for whenever you come home, don’t worry. There are presents waiting at the dorm.”

Yifan nodded, satisfied by the answer. He was obviously still out of it, but that was okay. He looked over Zitao, blinking. “You’re really pretty. Your eyes are really pretty,” he blurted out, much to Zitao’s surprise.

Zitao was blushing like crazy now, but he couldn’t fight the big smile that fought its way onto his face. “Thank you. Any other silly things you want to say to me?” He held up his phone and began recording. 

“Uhm,” Yifan had to think for a moment, his mind hazy. “I thought it was cute that you used to play with my hair. I miss my long hair.” He almost pouted, but Zitao couldn’t see his mouth through the foggy mask. “And I really like it when you kiss me. You have nice lips.”

Zitao stayed quiet, absolutely not wanting to stop Yifan from speaking. He simply made a “go on” motion with his head.

“Oh, I want you to lay with me right now. Can you help me?” Yifan tried to scoot himself over a bit, but his chest hurt, so he didn’t want to try too hard.

Zitao nodded and stopped recording on his phone. He pocketed the device and gently lifted Yifan a little, scooting him over. “You’re so light now, I hope Luhan spoils you rotten when you get back,” he whined, carefully sitting down next to him. 

“I really liked that xiaolongbao he made a while ago. I think it was your birthday,” Yifan said, his mind wandering to food. He was hungry, his stomach grumbled.

“I’m sure he would make you some,” Zitao said. 

The brief silence was gently interrupted by the door swinging open. A nurse had come with a tray bearing food for the two of them. He politely bowed his head, smiling as he rolled a little table over Yifan and Zitao’s laps, setting the tray down. 

“Thank you,” Zitao said gently, looking over the food. It looked good, but then again he was quite hungry, so just about anything would look good. He began to nibble on some pieces of fruit.

The nurse washed his hands in the sink in the room, applying hand sanitizer as well before putting a new set of gloves onto his hands. He approached Yifan and removed his oxygen mask, quickly replacing it with a cannula so he could eat. “How is that, can you breathe okay sir?”

Yifan took a moment to adjust to the cannula before nodding. “Yes, this feels better. Thank you,” he said with a small bow of his head.

The nurse nodded with a smile. “Alright. Simply press the button if you need anything else,” he explained before making his way out. 

Yifan began to eat, mostly eating some of the cooked spam and meat since he was hungry for something heavier. Besides, protein is good for healing, right? Finally getting some food and drink into himself made him feel a lot better, the aching pains in his stomach slowly fading away. As he began to finish up, he gently munched on a strawberry.

Zitao looked over to Yifan and he smiled, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Feeling better?” he asked, finishing the banana he was eating. 

Yifan nodded, giving a contented sigh. “A lot better,” he relaxed, leaning against Zitao. He felt a lot better now, he could think clearly and he could breathe easier. 

“You… you mentioned earlier that you like it when I kiss you?” Zitao said gently, recalling the things Yifan said as he regained consciousness. 

Yifan barely remembered what he had said, but he didn’t doubt Zitao’s claim. “I can’t say I don’t like it when you kiss me,” he admitted quietly, fidgeting with his blanket. 

“Then I’ll kiss you more.” Zitao laughed gently and he slowly cupped Yifan’s cheek, turning him so they were facing each other. He slowly leaned up, his eyes fluttering shut as he locked lips with Yifan. Yifan didn’t protest at all, his lips beginning to move against Zitao’s as they kissed. He wrapped his long arms around Zitao’s waist, wanting to be closer to Zitao. 

It took a moment before Yifan needed to pull away, his cheeks flushed gently. Zitao pressed his forehead against his boyfriend’s just wanting to look into his eyes. “I’m glad I still get to look into your pretty eyes, Fan,” he cooed gently. 

Yifan’s cheeks and ears got redder, he didn’t know what to say. He simply looked at Zitao, holding his hands. 

“Thank you for hanging in there. I really think this was what you needed, and that you’ll finally be able to go home,” Zitao said, earning a slight grin from his boyfriend. 

“I wasn’t going to just sit there and let it take me. I have too much going for me,” Yifan explained. “I have you, I have the members, I have my mother, I have EXO-L. Besides, I wouldn’t ever get to play basketball if I died in this hospital. And the songs I’ve written might not ever see the light of day.”

“Songs? I was wondering what you were scribbling down the other day. Still working on your little Antares project?” Zitao sat up and laid the bed back so Yifan could relax. He got comfortable next to Yifan, slowly taking his hand. 

“It’s almost done. I probably won’t be able to release it for a while, but I want to release it someday,” Yifan hummed, glancing over at his bag of things, which rested atop a spare chair within the room. He used this one little backpack of his to move all of his things from room to room in the hospital. It contained his songwriting journal, his little sketchbook, his small pencil pouch, a few scattered pens, and his legal documents just in case.

“I hope they’ll let you release it, I want to hear what it sounds like in that head of yours,” Zitao joked, smooching Yifan gently.

Yifan laughed gently and snuggled closer to Zitao. “I’ll make sure you get to hear them someday, even if they’re never released.”

Within minutes the two were napping in each others’ arms. 


	11. I Am Strong When You're Beside Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yifan is finally home, with his boyfriend and his friends that care for him more than anything in the world.

Yifan’s recovery was slow, annoyingly slow. How birthday came and went, much to his dismay, but he was glad his members came to see him. He called his mother for a while, trying to ignore the worry saturating her voice. He simply tried to assure her he would be okay, and that he was doing much better, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to talk away her worries. It was still nice to hear her voice. 

It was now November 8th, and Yifan had one goal; he wanted to walk today. He discussed this with nurses, he didn’t want to scare them at all by suddenly getting up unassisted without saying anything. After some deliberation, he was given the okay as long as he was accompanied by a nurse, or by Zitao. Yifan agreed, deciding he would wait for Zitao to visit. 

Yifan simply sat and waited. This was the sad reality of his extended hospital stays, he would run out of things to do so he would just sit, and stare, and think. He let his mind wander as he stared at a vase of flowers his mother had sent for his birthday. Yifan’s mind went over many things; the ingredients of chicken stock, what kind of material his hospital socks were made of, why his hair was bleached this annoying blonde, why his phone always seemed to run out of battery so fast. He began thinking of Zitao, of some of the things they had done together. 

Back in 2012, after they had debuted and started dating, Yifan and Zitao had snuck out together. It was July, and it was warm, but the sun was setting over Seoul. Not that they cared, they were more transfixed with each other. They rode their bikes together, speeding through the city streets at incredible speed. Yifan just wanted to feel the air rush through his hair, and Zitao wanted out of that stuffy dorm, so they ran like the wind on their bikes. 

After riding for a while, when they were out of breath, they chained their bikes up and dipped into an ice cream parlor. They felt like teenagers, running away from responsibility for some sweets and for each other. They sat in the back of the empty parlor far away from the window, finally removing their masks and sunglasses. 

They shared sneaky little kisses while the shopkeeper wasn’t looking, Yifan’s eyes giving a sly twinkle every time they successfully locked lips. He would then return to his ice cream, whispering something to Zitao about how he was sweeter than the chocolate cone in his hand. Zitao would giggle and gently punch his arm. It was a damn near perfect day. 

No one suspected anything when they returned. Luhan shot them a look from the couch when they came back, but it was brief. He was more interested in the soccer game playing on the screen. If anyone asked, Yifan simply would have made up some silly fib about going shopping for something specific and not being able to find it. It never came up, so it was their secret to keep. They shared so many of those sneaky nights filled with hushed kisses and bike rides. 

Yifan came back to reality as his phone buzzed. It was Zitao saying he was on his way, which made Yifan smile a little. He sent Zitao a smiley face in response. He was able to move himself well now, so he sat with his legs swinging off the side of the bed. He hummed a song he was writing to himself quietly, looking down at his swinging feet. He groaned, he was so stupidly skinny now. Hospital food and feeding tubes weren't doing him good, he missed the cooking of his members. He missed freshly grilled meat and the soups Luhan made, he missed eating the new foods Kyungsoo was trying out. But he would be patient, he knew for sure he would be released soon. It had been a few days since he had been in surgery anyways. 

The door opened and Yifan looked up to see Zitao, who was surprised to see him sitting in such a way. “Hi,” Yifan greeted with a little smile. “I’m going to walk today.”

Zitao blinked at him, setting his bag down in one of the chairs. He took a seat next to Yifan. “Really? Yifan, you remember what happened the last time you tried to walk-”

“Yes, but it’s different now. The nurses said it was okay as long as I had someone with me,” Yifan interrupted. “I need to get out of this bed and get some muscle back. Look how skinny I am.” He held up one of his legs, pouting ever so slightly.

Zitao gave a defeated sigh, he was weak to that pout Yifan rarely but effectively used. “Oh, alright. Do you want to do it now?”

Yifan gave an eager nod, his eyes burning with passion. He was going to walk. “We’ll do what we did last time,” he explained.

Zitao nodded and stood. He was worried, but he was glad to see Yifan eager to get up and go. It reminded him of why he liked Yifan so much in the first place. He was strong and didn’t like being held down for too long. He offered his hands to his boyfriend, who accepted them. Zitao immediately noticed something; Yifan’s hands were getting warmer. His circulation was getting better, so he wasn’t freezing cold anymore. He felt internally relieved.

Yifan gave a big breath and he pulled on Zitao’s hands, hoisting himself to his feet. He balanced himself easily, giving a satisfied nod when he stood. The taller man took a hold of his IV pole, while Zitao took the oxygen talk. And then they were off.

Yifan set the pace, walking faster than he had last time. “This feels so good, Taozi,” he said, taking Zitao’s open hand. 

Zitao couldn’t miss the grin on his boyfriend’s face. “I knew you could do it,” he said proudly. “You’re looking so much better, you got all your color back and your hands are warm. We just need to get you lots of food when you come home.”

Yifan nodded, pressing a sneaky kiss to Zitao’s head. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”

“I won’t be waiting much longer.”

* * *

Yifan was released a week after surgery. The only person that knew was the manager, he wanted to surprise the members. He had told Zitao he knew nothing about his release that day when Zitao had visited, which was a poorly-concealed lie. He didn’t like lying to Zitao, but he knew it was for the surprise, so he let it go. 

He had been taken off his oxygen and was now breathing freely. He was off his IV too, now only taking pills for painkillers and antibiotics to keep him from getting sick. He was healing well, even if he was under heavy restrictions for what he could do. Yifan wasn’t to run, or dance, or laugh too hard, or dance, or sing, or yell. He thought some of these were silly, but he still understood. He was instructed to use all elevators if possible to prevent strain on his heart and lungs, which he was okay with.

So, here he was, in the elevator of their dorm building with his bag over his shoulder. Yifan felt so sneaky, he couldn’t resist a small evil chuckle as he reached the floor they lived on. He took his mask off as he stepped out, approaching the door. He used his key to come inside, trying to be as quiet as possible. 

The members were having dinner on the couch in the main room, facing away from the door. They were watching some Korean drama, and he almost chuckled when he saw the Chinese subtitles at the bottom of the TV screen. 

Yifan casually took the last remaining spot on the group of couches they had. “So, what’s for dinner?”

The yells that filled the room were so loud he couldn’t hear himself think. The eleven boys before Yifan were so surprised, and they reacted in different ways. Chanyeol, Luhan, Yixing, and Baekhyun reacted with surprise. Zitao screamed in fear before realizing it was his boyfriend. Jongin, Minseok, and Jongdae wanted to hug Yifan so bad but they held themselves back. Sehun and Kyungsoo were quiet but they were still glad he was back, they looked relieved. Junmyeon almost cried.

The drama was paused and they spent their time stuffing Yifan silly with noodles, corn dogs, steak, and chicken. They gently cuddled him, Zitao staying closest to Yifan. He wouldn’t let go of Yifan’s hand the whole night. His precious boyfriend was back and finally, he wouldn’t be leaving. Yifan was the first to fall asleep amongst them, warmly tucked in between his eleven best friends. 

He woke up in his bed the next morning, with Zitao in his bed and the rest of the boys asleep on the floor or in Yixing’s bed. They wanted to be close to Yifan in case anything happened, so they had slept on the floor of the room. Yifan looked at the cute boy laying next to him and he cuddled him close, pressing sweet kisses to his forehead. Having some good food, a good comfy bed, his members, and his boyfriend made him feel much better. 

Zitao slowly woke up, his eyes fluttering open as Yifan kissed him. “Mmm… how are you feeling?” he asked sleepily, speaking quietly as to not wake the other members. None of them stirred.

“I feel amazing, I missed this so much. I missed you,” Yifan said, pulling Zitao into a kiss on the lips. He was able to kiss Zitao properly, so he filled this one with passion and all the love his heart could muster. 

Zitao broke the kiss with a little giggle. “I missed you too, Fanfan,” he said, snuggling into him. “You should go change your bandage and take your medicine. Do you want me to help you?”

“I wouldn’t mind the help,” Yifan said, sitting up. “I’m thirsty and a little hungry,” he admitted. 

Zitao nodded and walked him to the bathroom, having him sit on the counter. He gave Yifan a cup of water and his medicines, which he took with no delay. Yifan shyly took his shirt off and Zitao looked over the bandage sticking to Yifan’s chest. He slowly peeled it back.

“Oh wow, that looks great. It’s still a little red, but look! There’s barely any blood,” Zitao said as he tossed the bandage into the trash. “This part night sting, but it’s just to make sure you’re clean.” After receiving a nod from Yifan, he began cleaning the wound with warm water and soap, then applying an antibiotic cream he had been instructed to apply. After drying the wound, he applied a new bandage. “There you go, all done.”

Yifan sighed in relief. “That felt good,” he purred, finishing his cup of water. 

Zitao nodded and pressed a little kiss to Yifan’s cheek. He began pampering Yifan, washing his face well and applying a face mask. He brushed Yifan’s hair and tied it up, since it had gotten long again. Yifan felt a million times better, sighing gently. He hated being babied but he couldn’t resist Zitao’s sweetness, so he just kept quiet and let Zitao care for him. Lastly, Zitao applied some medicine to the gross bruises on Yifan’s arms from the months of IVs that had been in his arms. 

Yifan’s stomach grumbled and he looked to Zitao. “Can we wake Kyungsoo up? He makes good breakfast. Jongdae and Minseok too,” he asked, slowly standing. 

Zitao nodded. “Go relax on the couch and we’ll work on it, Kyungsoo said he missed you because you never complain about his cooking,” he said with a grin.

“It’s good, I shouldn’t complain,” Yifan said as he put his shirt back on. He left the bathroom and sat on the couch in the main room, dozing off a little.

* * *

It wasn’t long before the smells of breakfast filled Yifan’s nose, rousing him from his sleep. Chanyeol and Sehun were seated next to him on the couch, watching something from Sehun’s phone. Baekhyun was on the other side of the couch, playing video games on the TV. He turned around to see many of the remaining members in the attached kitchen, while a few helpful others were setting the table. 

Yifan yawned and Chanyeol looked up from Sehun’s phone to him. “Ah, you’re awake, how are you feeling?” He asked, stretching a bit. 

“I’m hungry, if anything, but I think I’ll be okay,” Yifan said, gently stretching. He felt a twinge of pain from his wound and he jerked his arms down. “I slept so well last night.”

“You were out cold, we couldn’t even wake you up to move you to your bed. Luhan and I had to carry you to your bed,” Chanyeol said with a chuckle. 

Yifan gave a chuckle too. “It was my first time having real food in a while, it makes sense I’d go into a food coma,” he explained, glancing back to the kitchen. Kyungsoo and Luhan were at the stove, Zitao, and Minseok were chopping vegetables, Jongin and Junmyeon were setting the table, Yixing was making coffee, and Jongdae was making toast. He couldn’t help but stare at Zitao, simply admiring him. Zitao always looked so good, he stayed so healthy. Yifan couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander as they often did. Zitao was cute and sweet, but he could also beat someone up. He was adorable but sexy and handsome. Yifan felt so lucky to have a boyfriend of such quality. 

The members started bringing plates of food to the long table they had between the kitchen and the living space. Yifan took the hint and he took his seat, they all had spots they had sort of assigned themselves. He watched excitedly as plates of vegetable omelets, bowls of rice, and plates of meat were brought to the table. It smelled heavenly. There were bowls of fruit and pieces of toast brought as well, served with coffee or juice or milk. 

The members began to gather and the meal began. They all let Yifan have first pickings before serving themselves. Everyone would be able to have plenty to eat, with some food left for seconds. Yifan was glad everyone would be able to eat.

“Yifan, do you have any restrictions? Like things you’re not allowed to do?” Junmyeon asked, looking up from his bites of fruit.

Yifan swallowed and took a sip of water. “No stairs, no heavy lifting, no singing or rapping, no running, no dancing, no screaming or yelling. I was given the okay to watch tomorrow’s concert but I can’t participate. I can only watch,” he explained, almost pouting. “I’ll have to wait a long time before I can perform.”

Junmyeon nodded, looking a little disappointed. “Do our managers know?” He asked, taking another bite of food.

Yifan nodded. “Yeah, one of the managers was there to take me home so he heard all the information about home care,” he said, feeling a bit disappointed himself. “At least I can be there tomorrow.”

Sensing the low mood, Baekhyun perked up a little. “Well, now that you’re here, we can celebrate your birthday!” He exclaimed with a big smile.

Yifan looked to him, raising his eyebrows. “My birthday? But it was days ago-”

“Don’t be silly,” Baekhyun interrupted. “We all got you presents and the cake we baked is still good.” 

Yifan’s ears turned red, feeling childishly excited at the sound of presents. The members took the hint and they all got up, hurrying to get the gifts they wanted to give him. 

When they returned, Yifan was able to open his presents. Chanyeol got him a new set of earbuds, Luhan got him a new pair of shoes, Minseok got him a warm scarf since it was getting cold. Jongdae got him a stuffed dragon, which Yifan was secretly very happy to accept. Yixing got him a new shirt from a brand Yifan often wore, Kyungsoo got him a nice new leather-bound journal for songwriting, Baekhyun got him a little toy basketball hoop for his dirty laundry basket that he could throw his clothes through. Yifan snickered at that gift. Yixing got him a knitted cap in a different color than the one he already had, Sehun got him a hat as well. Jongin gave him a bag of snacks that he had specially ordered from Guangzhou, some that he had heard Yifan talking about before. Junmyeon decided to get Yifan some nice drawing pencils for drawing, since Yifan liked to sketch. 

Zitao gave his present after breakfast, when he was sitting on the couch with Yifan. It was a set of matching necklaces, one for each of them. Once they were both wearing them, Yifan stole a kiss from his boyfriend. He was smiling, holding his hand.

“I love you,” Yifan whispered to Zitao sweetly. “I am strong when you're beside me.”

Zitao couldn’t help it anymore. He kissed Yifan then and there, not caring that the other members were gazing at each other with wide eyes. 

And at this moment, Yifan didn’t care either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the gaps between this chapter and the last. College got difficult and I'm writing a lot of little one shots on the side. I'll try to be quicker!


	12. We're Older Now But You Still Play With My Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fast forward a few years.

**2019**

Life was different now, different than when Zitao and Yifan had gotten together in April of 2012. It had been almost seven years since the two had gotten together, the couple stronger now. 

The group had grown up. They had to bid Minseok and Kyungsoo goodbye after Love Shot, as they wanted to begin their required enlistment. Yixing had temporarily departed from the group to solo promote in China.

Yifan had started his solo career as well, it’s what he was proudest of. The Antares project he had written in a hospital bed in 2013 was now a reality, it had been released last year along with a few other singles here and there. 

Yifan was also incredibly proud of Zitao. He had seen his boyfriend become a huge superstar in China, with an album and a ton of hit singles. Yifan had been caught by Zitao a few times trying to sing  _ Promise _ in the shower, trying to hit the impressive note.

They had a home together now in Seoul, a comfortably large apartment for the two of them. They lived there together when they weren’t touring or promoting with EXO or in China. The apartment had a studio for each of them, which they both loved. They had a large bedroom they shared, a large comfortable bed in the middle of the room they frequented. 

Most importantly, they were out. The world knew they were together, they were able to talk about it freely. People had begun noticing the matching necklaces and rings years ago, so in 2017 they addressed it at a  _ Kokobop  _ press conference. From then on Zitao and Yifan hadn’t been afraid to be affectionate in public, holding hands and falling asleep on each other while sitting and waiting in airports. 

They were touring now, about to fly to Kuala Lumpur for the first of the December EXplOration shows. The nine members were waiting in the airport for their flight, all cuddled up to each other since it was getting chilly. Yifan wrapped a blanket around his boyfriend, kissing his forehead ever so gently. 

“Don’t sleep too much now, you’ll have a while to sleep on the plane,” Yifan whispered to him, ruffling his hair. 

“I’m sleepy now, let me rest,” Zitao complained with a yawn. “I didn’t sleep well, Kandy was up barking last night.”

“Weird, I didn’t hear him,” Yifan said as he adjusted the knitted cap on his head. “Why was he barking?”

“You slept through it, but he was barking at some bird he saw outside. A bird started nesting on the balcony in the flower box, I support we’ll have to let the bird stay since it laid eggs,” Zitao explained idly, sitting up and pulling his phone out. He showed Yifan a picture of the nest with three little eggs in it.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to be a father? We could keep them, Kandy could have siblings,” he said with a snicker, smirking at Zitao’s unamused look. “Okay okay, maybe I’ll have someone come get them.” 

At that point the other members started getting up, so Yifan slowly stood. He helped Zitao to his feet, handing Zitao his bag as he shouldered his own. He snuck a kiss to Zitao’s cheek, smirking a little bit as the fans watching then squealed at the cute display of affection. He turned to give a wave and a bow to the fans before he hurried off with the group to board the plane. 

Once on board, Yifan quickly got comfortable in his little first class seat. It was next to Zitao’s but they were still separate, which he didn’t mind. He heard Zitao’s breath slow, he had fallen asleep before the plane had even taken off. Yifan took the opportunity to reach into his pocket. He retrieved a small velvet box, opening it to look at the small silver band that was within. 

Yifan pouted at the box briefly before closing it and putting it back in his pocket. Chanyeol, who had been sitting on the other side of him, tapped his arm. The seats were divided by walls of sorts, but Chanyeol had still seen the ring. 

“No way,” he whispered. “Are you going to propose to him?”

“I’m trying to find the right timing. I wanted to propose when we were in Hong Kong, but I didn’t have the ring yet,” Yifan explained, getting the ring out again to show it to Chanyeol. “It has the day we started dating on it, April 8th, 2012. Then it has his birthday, May 2nd, 1993, and my birthday, November 6th, 1990.” He pointed to the different dates engraved on the inside of the ring. The outside was just a simple silver band with a small line of diamonds down the middle. 

“It’s great, I think he’ll like it,” Chanyeol said with a nod. “Do you have any idea when you’ll do it?” Chanyeol asked. 

“After the tour is over, I kind of want to take him back to Qingdao to visit his parents. Maybe I’ll do it there,” Yifan explained, still in a whisper to not wake his sleeping boyfriend,

“Good idea. Did you ask his father for permission? Like the tradition goes,” Chanyeol asked, turning to look at Yifan.

“Mhm, he agreed,” Yifan replied. 

“Good. It’s about time you proposed, it’s been over seven years since you two have been together,” Chanyeol said, rolling his eyes jokingly. 

Yifan elbowed him. “We’ve been busy, you silly. He had his 2016 album and all his singles, and I had Antares set to come out right as we were busy with Temp.”

“I know, I’m just kidding,” Chanyeol yawned. “Let's get some sleep, this flight will be a shorter one.”

Yifan nodded and got comfortable, slipping his headphones into his ears. He hit play on a playlist he had made of his members’ songs that he liked, Zitao’s included. So he fell asleep to the music his friends had made with love, wrapped in a spare blanket he had brought.

* * *

They landed in Kuala Lumpur about six hours later, the boys still sleeping in their seats. Junmyeon cane and woke everyone up. Yifan turned to Zitao and gently shook him awake, reaching around the divider that separated them. 

“Taozi, wake up, we’ve landed,” Yifan said, gently shaking Zitao’s thigh. He leaned over and peppered his cheeks with kisses, causing his boyfriend to giggle as he woke up. 

“I’m awake, I’m awake,” Zitao said groggily, giving Yifan a quick kiss. “You’re really a big softie, you know that?” He held his cheeks.

Chanyeol fake gagged. “Alright you two, enough of that!” he said jokingly, despite being glued to Baekhyun’s hip. “We need to go check in at the hotel.”

Yifan’s cheeks went pink and he got up, folding his towel quickly and putting it in his bag. He made sure he had everything packed into his carry on, stretching some. His shirt rode up ever so slightly and he looked over to see Zitao eyeing him as he put his carry on bag over his shoulder. He sent his boyfriend a cheeky wink before the nine members exited the plane, the couples paired up.

* * *

The concert was the next day, and EXO was preparing backstage for the opening song,  _ The Eve.  _ Yifan was getting his makeup done while looking over the setlist for today. He was very interested in a “special stage” that would be done after  _ Growl.  _ They hadn’t rehearsed it so Yifan assumed it was simply a last minute change, but he was still curious. 

He turned to Jongin, who was getting his hair done next to him. “Who’s doing the special stage on the setlist? I don’t remember hearing anything about it,” he asked as his makeup artist applied a bit of eyeliner to his upper lash line.

“I don’t remember hearing much about it either. It’s either a cover of a song or some dance break, but it’s not me,” Jongin replied, looking up from his cellphone to the man next to him. 

Yifan nodded and asked Sehun, who was sitting to his left. “What about you, Sehun? Do you know anything?” 

Sehun shook his head. “No, I didn’t even read the setlist so I definitely don’t know,” he explained. “Maybe it’s Junmyeon since he’s leaving next, or Chanyeol who’s been working on a new cover or one of his Studio NNG projects.” 

Yifan nodded, still puzzled but not sure who to ask next. He decided he would just drop it. His stylist pulled his long black hair into a bun on the back of his head, letting some strands out to frame his face. It was a style Yifan personally liked since it got hair off his neck and kept it mostly out of his face. He also liked the sort of power he had with the look, he liked the effect he had on people.

The only person who didn’t like Yifan having his hair up was Zitao. Zitao had kept with his old habit of playing with Yifan’s long hair, a habit that had only gotten stronger as Yifan’s hair had gotten longer. Zitao watched from across the room, watching Yifan get all dolled up. 

The first stage was about to begin so the makeup artists gave finishing touches to makeup and stylists did final outfit checks. Yifan warmed up his voice a little bit as he stood, even stretching a bit as he stepped out of the makeup room into the hallway. He was getting older, but as a 29 year old he didn’t let it show. 

Zitao caught up to him and the rest of the group, humming to warm up his throat. 

Little did Yifan know, tonight’s special stage was Zitao himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals are finally over! I'm glad to be back to writing, I'm sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than usual. I'm trying to wrap this story up a little, I'm hoping to finish it before the end of the year.


	13. I Was Going To Ask You First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zitao has a question to ask to Yifan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to put a trigger warning in place. Homophobia is referenced repeatedly in this chapter, and Yifan deals with anxiety because of it.

After about five songs, it was time for the special stage. The members were getting ready for the next stages, sitting in a back room with a TV where they could see what was happening on stage. Yifan came back from a changing room to see Zitao on the stage by himself, performing one of his solo songs that had come out earlier this year. He was confused, but he wasn’t about to complain, he had really been enjoying Zitao’s solo releases that year. 

“He’s performing Promise?” Yifan asked as he sat down, eyes glued to the screen. He couldn’t stop his smile, he always loved to see Zitao perform. Zitao wore this coat with sequins all over it, his black hair done up nicely. He was hitting all of his notes and doing so well, which made Yifan the proudest. He had a big goofy gummy smile on his face. The man’s eyes were glued to the small screen as a stylist fixed his hair and began to powder his nose. He had a solo stage coming up in a few songs and he needed to be prepared for it. 

After the song ended, Zitao raised the mic to speak. “Yifan,” he began in Chinese. “Come out.” The camera picked up the glimmering eyeshadow that decorated his upper eyelids. He looked ethereal. 

Yifan went slightly pale but he quickly got up, hurrying to the stage. With his mouth hanging open slightly he stumbled onto the stage, obviously looking a bit surprised. He blinked at Zitao, very confused as he approached his boyfriend.

Zitao didn’t look the least bit nervous, instead he had this big warm smile on his face. “Yifan, I’ve been wanting to ask you something,” he began, pausing to let the translator translate for the crowd. After a moment he got down on one knee in front of Yifan and the whole arena screamed, including the members in the back room and the members watching online. Zitao had told no one about this, only the staff. The members and fans had no clue this was coming at all. 

“I love you,” Zitao began as golden confetti began falling around them. “I love when you wake up when your hair is messy and in your face and you can’t see. I love you when you sing my songs and botch them while you’re in the shower. I love you when you fall asleep on the couch with Kandy despite saying years ago you didn’t want a dog. I love you when you get really excited about a Lakers game being on TV. I love you when you spend hours in your studio writing songs and you smile at me when I come inside. I love you when you let me play with your hair. I love you when you hold my hand when you get nervous. I love you when you volunteer to go get us food when we get hungry in the early hours of the morning. I love you when you call me often when you’re promoting in America without me. I love you when you help me with my Korean. I love you when you stay by my side when you can tell I’m nervous. I love you when you take care of me when I’m sick.” 

By now, so many of the fans in the audience were crying as Zitao’s speech was being translated to them. Baekhyun and Luhan and Junmyeon were crying, while Chanyeol was laughing to himself because he knew deep down that Yifan had wanted to propose first. 

“I loved you in 2012 and I love you now. I want to love you always. Will you, Yifan, marry me?” Zitao asked, pulling a box out of his pocket and opening it. It had a silver ring in it.

Yifan paused, his eyes sparkling with the beginnings of fresh tears, before slowly taking his own ring box out. He got on one knee too, holding up his own box. “Only if you say yes too,” he said, a big smile on his face.

Zitao’s eyes went wide as he realized that Yifan had planned to propose too, and he laughed. He hugged Yifan and they nodded at each other before sharing a precious kiss. 

Yifan pulled away, sliding his ring onto Zitao’s finger. Zitao returned the favor and he slid his ring onto Yifan’s finger. They kissed again briefly before standing, turning to the crowd. They gave a bow before hurrying off the stage together, both boys feeling absolutely thrilled. 

The rest of the concert went almost too quickly, Zitao and Yifan giving little glances to each other during different stages.  _ Forever, Diamond, 365, Lucky,  _ even a few solo stages of the members’ solo works and an electric guitar cover by Chanyeol. He also performed his songs  _ Like That  _ and _ Deserve.  _ He even changed the pronouns in the lyrics from female to male for Zitao. 

Yifan could barely focus. The entire time all he could think about was himself and his new fiancé. Their life would be a little different now. They had been dating for the last seven years, and they would finally be able to marry. He knew it wouldn’t be a major change, considering they lived together and already acted like a domestic married couple, but the principle was still wonderful. Zitao would be his  **husband** . He would either become Huang Yifan or Zitao would become Wu Zitao. The thought sent a shiver down his spine. 

The concert felt like the longest one they’d ever done, it felt like it went on for days. All Yifan wanted at this time was to go to their hotel and shower, then curl up in bed with the familiar warmth of Zitao beside him. It wouldn’t be too long now, he craved some rest for his slightly aching muscles. It was clear Zitao shared the same sentiment, as he saw that familiar look of slight fatigue on his fiancé’s face. He could also tell that Zitao also wanted a night in. 

The last of the songs finally wrapped up and the members all gave their final words to the crowd. Yifan stood next to Zitao during that time, his fingers laced between Zitao’s. It was a small gesture, but it was comforting.

There’s a reason Yifan had waited so long to consider proposing. He was terrified of losing some of the most important things in his life. Yifan was afraid of being outed and socially ostracized for being bisexual, for liking both boys and girls. China was not the most progressive country, so growing up Yifan observed constant homophobia from his peers and from adults around him. He’d seen celebrities lose everything after scandals and allegations of homosexual activity. 

Yifan feared losing relationships with his friends, he feared losing relationships with his family. He feared losing his career that he had worked so hard to build up. He feared public ridicule and criticism. 

But most importantly, Yifan feared losing Zitao. He was afraid the company would split them up and separate them, maybe even going so far as to kick one of them from the group. Yifan feared the public going after him, destroying his life and hurting his feelings deeply. It was of great concern to Yifan, and he had very often shared this anxiety with Zitao. 

Zitao would always listen, rubbing his thumb over Yifan’s knuckles as he held the man’s hand. “I really think it’ll be okay, Yifan. If the company had problems with it then they would have intervened by now, the managers and stylists know anyways. Besides, I can handle myself, I’ve faced public outrage before,” he explained. It was comforting, slightly, but Yifan was still worried. So for years Yifan waited and watched. It wasn’t until another celebrity came out as homosexual that Yifan realized the public may not be as harsh as he once believed. Of course there would always be nay-sayers, but it soothed Yifan’s worries greatly. So he decided to go ahead and buy a ring.

Finally, after a little over an hour, Yifan and Zitao had arrived in their hotel room, showered, and gotten into bed. They were too exhausted to do much, but Zitao scooted closer to Yifan. 

Yifan took a moment to look at his ring. By luck it was somewhat similar to the ring he got for Zitao, plain smooth silver on the outside of the band with engravement on the inside of the ring. He looked at it fondly, thinking he was incredibly fortunate to be marrying Zitao.

Yifan glanced over at the other man, who was dead asleep next to him. Zitao moved, turning so he was laying on Yifan’s chest while laying on his stomach. He didn’t mind at all, he reached over and turned the bedside lamp off. He clutched Zitao closely, making sure he was wrapped nice and warmly in the blanket. He drifted off to sleep quickly and easily, Zitao;s breathing lulling him to sleep.

* * *

The next morning EXO was on the move again, arriving at the airport bright and early for their flight back home to Seoul so they could rest up for a little while before their next tour concerts in Japan, giving them about four days to themselves. 

Yifan was snoozing in the van with a few of the other members, feeling as tired as he normally was after long concerts. He was holding Zitao’s hand, the other hand loosely holding his half-drunk iced coffee. He looked like a toddler that was falling asleep in the middle of lunch. 

Zitao glanced up from his phone and snickered, taking a picture of his sleeping fiancé. He opened up Weibo to just do some normal time-killing scrolling, and he saw multiple trending stories regarding his and Yifan’s engagement. He saw that tons and tons of fans were happy, but it seemed to be that the news sources were being bigoted about he whole story. Zitao rolled his eyes and scrolled past them. He wanted to read some nice posts from fans. 

“I always thought it was so cute how close they were!”

“Wu Yifan got so shy and bashful, how sweet.”

“They’re both so lucky, I’m not sure which one of them is more attractive…”

Zitao snickered at that last post, closing the app. They had arrived at the airport anyways. He gently nudged Yifan, who did the “snort-wake-up” that dads often do. Zitao snickered and pinched his cheek. “We’re here, do you have everything?”

Yifan yawned. “Mhm, I’m ready,” he mumbled, putting his earbuds in and grabbing his bag. He took a sip of his coffee.

The members began filing out of the bus, and Yifan followed. He held Zitao’s hand the whole time, Zitao leading the groggy man through the groups of fans towards their airport terminal. Yifan was snapped out of his sleepiness as he heard a fan yelling, in English, at the group. This particular fan was yelling horrible things to Yifan and Zitao specifically. 

Yifan froze in place, eyes blown wide as he looked to the “fan”, who was currently wrestling with security guards because she had tried to break into a sprint towards the group. She continued to scream, yelling homophobic slurs so loud that Yifan could hear her crystal clear through his headphones. 

The other members were disturbed at the yelling, but only Yifan could understand what she was saying. It terrified him. This was exactly what he was afraid of. 

“What is she saying Yifan?” Zitao asked, looking between his fiancé and the girl, who was being led away. The rest of the members were also glancing at her. 

“I… I wouldn’t dare repeat it. She was calling me disgusting for being engaged to you, to summarize what she said,” Yifan muttered, his frightened expression turning to one of true frustration, his brows furrowed. “Whatever.” He let go of Zitao’s hand and walked by himself, without the members, to the terminal. He was fuming, absolutely livid. 

Yifan needed time to sit and think. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for waiting so long! I will try to get back to writing more consistently, so hopefully chapters will be more constant.


	14. It's Really Starting To Come Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zitao helps Yifan work through something like the sweetheart he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another trigger warning! The f slur is used in this chapter and homophobia is mentioned again, along with light themes of anxiety or mental illness.

The events in the airport didn’t sit well with Yifan. He was angry and embarrassed, but mostly anxious. His biggest worry was being harassed publicly, like he had been by the girl he encountered. 

Zitao could tell Yifan was worried about it, he could tell that it made his fiancé nervous. He decided to talk to him about it, knowing it wouldn’t do any good for this issue to fester. The tour was over now and the group was under a bit of a hiatus due to members leaving for the military and such, or just moving towards solo or subunit work. It was January now, of 2020. 

Zitao’s ears perked as he heard the front door to their apartment open and close. 

“Do you need help bringing the groceries inside?” Zitao asked, standing and entering the kitchen to see Yifan carrying… all of the groceries. He bit his lip to keep from laughing. “Nevermind. I’ll help you put them away.”

As Yifan set the groceries down on the counter, Zitao helped put things in their proper places. Items that needed to go into the fridge were promptly put there before they warmed up. Dry foods went to the pantry, and non-food items were put away as well. 

Zitao glanced to Yifan, biting his lip gently. “I… I would like to talk to you about something,” he said gently, not wanting to startle Yifan. 

Yifan gave a pause before looking at Zitao. “What about?” 

“Let’s sit down first, let’s get comfortable,” Zitao said, making his way to the couch. He got a blanket to cover them with, just to make Yifan a bit more comfortable. They sat together, and Zitao linked their hands. 

“I wanted to discuss what happened on the tour. I… I know it’s been bothering you a lot and I don’t want to let this sit. And… I want you to tell me what the girl said to you. I’ve only heard speculation, no one was able to translate anything. You’re the only one that knows,” Zitao began.

Yifan sighed, nodding. “I guess you’re right, it bothers me too much to let it slide,” he muttered. “She called me a faggot, she called me selfish, she called me many things. She basically said I didn’t deserve to be where I am today because I’m bisexual. She said my mother should be ashamed of me.” His voice broke off at the last bit, and he looked away.

Zitao sighed sadly. “Oh Fan, you know that isn’t true. Your mother is so proud of you,” he said gently, leaning against Yifan.

“But what if she is ashamed of me? She didn’t know anything until we got engaged,” Yifan replied.

“She messaged me congratulating me on the proposal, Yifan. She’s been nothing but supportive.”

“That’s good to hear. I suppose it’s just anxiety and insecurity then,” Yifan said. “But… I also worry we’ll start being harassed. What if someone goes after me? After you? What if our careers suffer because of it? I don’t even know if the managers or members are supportive,” 

“Don’t worry about the members, Yifan. You know how many of them are gay, the only one we can confirm even likes girls is Jongdae, since he’s married now and he’s having a baby. But… considering we’ve only been harassed once? It’s a good sign. I’ve seen a lot of support from fans, and the managers don’t seem to have any issues with it,” Zitao replied with a pause. “I can ask our managers if there is any issue if it would make you more comfortable. But I understand being upset and nervous, just remember that the world is growing up and we’re living in a safer world now.”

Yifan gave a shaky sigh. “I suppose you’re right,” he muttered gently. He squeezed Zitao’s hand gently, taking a few deep breaths to control his anxiety. 

“Would you like to see a therapist about it? I’ve used the company’s mental health services, I used them when you were in the hospital years ago. They’re pretty good,” Zitao offered.

“If my anxiety gets worse I will,” Yifan said, sounding calmer now. “It’s comforting seeing that I do have some support at least.”

Zitao nodded. “You have lots of support. You should have seen the response to the girl in the airport. The American EXO-Ls were furious and any other English speaking EXO-Ls were too. And did you hear that the higher ups identified her and blacklisted her? They’re even considering legal action because of the effect it had on you,” he mentioned.

Yifan perked up a little bit, taking a moment to process the information. “Well, I suppose it would discourage other extremist fans from acting out like that if she’s punished,” he stated, an almost shit-eating grin on his face. 

Zitao’s smile matched Yifan’s. “Right?” 

“It is settled then. I should worry less knowing the company and members and fans will back us up,” Yifan said with a nod, one that Zitao returned. 

Yifan slept a little easier that night after being able to get that off his chest. Zitao had always been good at talking out his insecurities and anxieties, and Yifan adored him for it. It was at moments like this that Yifan knew he had made the right choice in wanting Zitao to be his husband. That thought only made him more excited for the wedding.

* * *

The wedding planning began. They decided to have it in June, far away from any members’ birthdays or and holidays. They didn’t want to take anyone’s thunder. They decided on green and blue for their wedding colors, as green was Yifan’s favorite and blue was Zitao’s. The flowers all over the venue would be beautiful white lilies, as it was a summer wedding. 

The wedding would be in Guangzhou, they had selected an indoor venue for the wedding and reception to make sure everyone would be cool enough. All twelve members would be in attendance, as well as Yifan and Zitao’s parents. It would be a rather large wedding, with SM Entertainment staff in attendance. They also invited the members of f(x), Girls’ Generation, SHINee, and NCT, Red Velvet, and Super Junior. Some of those artists even agreed to sing at the wedding, which pleased the couple. It was all coming together now.

* * *

Now, Yifan was at his tuxedo fitting. He was getting a shiny black tuxedo with embroidered while lilies on the lapels, and even a floor-length cape attached to the shoulders of his jacket. Zitao would be getting the same thing but in white, they just had separate appointments. Yifan had wanted separate appointments so his tuxedo could be a surprise for Zitao. As his hair was still quite long, Yifan would even have his hair done nicely on the day of the wedding. 

He was now looking at himself in the mirror, his hair done up with his fitted suit on. This was the final appointment to make sure everything fit, and Yifan was more than pleased. He gave a contented sigh as he looked at himself, the cape elegantly draped over his shoulders. 

It all felt so real now, he was really getting married to Zitao. At this point some men would get cold feet and tap out, but Yifan didn’t feel that. It only made him want to get married to Zitao more. He couldn’t stop the slight smile that found its way onto his face.

Yifan sent a text message to Zitao. “Everything fits just fine, it looks… so much better that I expected.”

Zitao was quick to respond. “Mine fit really well too! We’re almost done with the plans, I’m getting really excited!! <3”

Yifan smiled. “I’ll be home soon. Do you want me to pick up some food on the way home?”

“Noodles would be nice, thanks Fan!” Zitao replied.

Yifan put his phone away and he began taking his tuxedo extremely carefully as he wouldn’t damage it. He watched as the seamstress carefully stored his suit and he smiled, bowing to her.

He thanked her and made his way out after paying the kind woman for he and Zitao’s (rather expensive) suits. He didn’t mind paying for quality or supporting a local business, it was okay. 

Yifan stopped by he and Zitao’s favorite noodle place to collect some dinner before making his way home. He had a pep in his step, feeling very cheery after how well everything was going. He drove home as quickly as he could with the delicious bowls of noodles, coming inside.

“Taozi, I’m back,” Yifan called, setting the bowls of noodles on the kitchen table. 

Zitao came in, placing a light kiss to Yifan’s face. “Thank you, this all smells really good. I have a drama on in the living room, can we watch while we eat?”

Yifan nodded and brought the food to the living room, sitting down on the couch. He placed the bowls on the coffee table in front of the couch. He handed Zitao his noodles as he sat down. 

They settled in for a nice night of noodles and dramas until they fell asleep on the couch, limbs entwined in each other’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter, but only because the next chapter is the big finale! I hope you all enjoy it once it's out! Thank you all for your continued support and comments, you all are lovely!


	15. I Present To You: Wu Yifan and His Beloved Husband, Wu Zitao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wu Yifan is now complete.

The day was June 8th, 2020. It was the day of the wedding, the day Yifan and Zitao would finally get married. Yifan and Zitao had arrived separately to the venue, sort of as a respect to the “it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding” tradition. The venue was decorated beautifully, with blue and green silks adorning the seats and every inch of the chapel. There were also white lilies everywhere, as planned, and the room was filled with warm natural light. 

Yifan was in a side room having his tuxedo put on. Chanyeol was helping him attach the cape to the shoulders of his tuxedo while a hairdresser began on Yifan’s hair. 

“How are you holding up, are you nervous?” Chanyeol asked, finally attaching the cape to the tuxedo jacket. He brushed some dust off of Yifan’s tuxedo with a little brush he had brought.

Yifan gave a long nervous sigh. “I am, but, not for the usual reason. Most grooms get cold feet because they don’t love the person they’re getting married to, but I’m just worried. I’m worried I’ll mess something up during the wedding or reception or something. And what if I can’t give Tao the wedding he wants? What if-”

Chanyeol tapped Yifan on the shoulder hard to snap him out of his train of thought. “Yifan, you’re my friend, I love you, but shut up. All Tao has been able to talk about for the last three months is how excited he is. He’s never once complained about anything,” he explained, pouting a little bit. 

Yifan blinked in surprise a little bit. He didn’t really have a response, so he went quiet. But it wasn’t an awkward silence, it was a calm silence. He had one of the lilies from one of the bouquets in the chapel, and he was twisting it between his fingers gently so it spun around. 

“You’ll be just fine, Yifan. If Tao didn’t like something then he would have said something by now. You know how he is,” Chanyeol said as he straightened Yifan’s bow tie. “He loves you a lot, you know he would do anything for you.”

Yifan couldn’t help but smile. “He’s… cute,” he simply stated, not able to say much else. It was an emotional day for him, his brain was short circuiting slightly, so that’s all his brain gave him. 

Chanyeol took a seat next to Yifan, biting his lip. “Yifan, can I ask you something?” 

Yifan turned to Chanyeol and nodded gently. “Sure, what is it?” 

“I… I’m thinking of proposing to Baekhyun soon. After his Candy promotion is done, I think I might propose to him during an encore stage. What do you think?” He blushed a little bit.

“You’re asking the wrong person, Zitao was technically the one who proposed to me. Ask him,” Yifan responded bluntly.

“I know, but what do YOU think about it?” Chanyeol asked.

“I think it’s a good idea, it could be cute. It would definitely get a lot more publicity than Zitao’s proposal, everyone will see it on TV that day. Zitao’s was at a concert, ever so slightly more private because it wasn’t on television,” Yifan explained as his hair was being finished up by the hairdresser. “So in conclusion yes, but also ask Zitao.”

Chanyeol nodded taking mental notes. “It would certainly be a surprise. Do you think he would like it?”

Yifan nodded. “Yes, as long as you bring flowers and candy and a stuffed animal for him. Make it super cheesy and cute,” he suggested.

“It’s decided then,” Chanyeol said, shaking Yifan’s hand. The two men nodded at each other.

* * *

Meanwhile in Zitao’s room, he was just getting into his tuxedo. Luhan buttoned up the buttons on Zitao’s shirt, then slipping the vest over Zitao’s shoulders.

“I wonder how he’s holding up,” Zitao said as Luhan began tying Zitao’s bowtie. 

“He’s a big baby, he’s probably nervous. I went into his room to give him water earlier and he was pacing back and forth like an expectant father,” Luhan explained with a gentle laugh.

“That’s my almost-husband, the almost-perfectionist,” Zitao laughed gently. “He’ll do fine, he always does.” He had a very fond look on his face, thinking of the man he was about to marry.

“When did you realize you loved him, Zitao?” Luhan asked, putting Zitao’s jacket on.

“I realized it many times. It was a process of realizing I loved him and then questioning if I did and denying it, but then giving in again. The first time was the day we started dating. He held my hand in the back of the van and he kissed me. He protected us on the way back to the hotel,” Zitao began, beaming brightly. 

“I remember that. Not the kiss, but the hotel. That bruise he got was nasty!” Luhan shuddered a little bit. “Anyways, go on.”

Zitao laughed. “There were a few times he took me to this secluded little ice cream shop, it was adorable how he was always so careful. We always had privacy, no one ever found out. There was one time when I dropped my ice cream cone and without thinking, he shot up and got me another one. There was no hesitation. That’s another time I realized I loved him, and a time I realized he loved me.” He took out his phone and showed Luhan some old pictures of the two of them at the ice cream shop. Yifan was kissing Zitao’s cheek, and Zitao was licking his ice cream cone. 

Luhan smiled and took the phone briefly before returning it to Zitao. “That’s adorable, it's amazing that the fans never caught on,” he said as he attached Zitao’s cape to his shoulders. 

“They just never did,” Zitao said fondly, flipping through the pictures. The pictures went from 2012, when they started dating, to 2014, when Yifan got really sick. There were pictures of the two of them laying in Yifan’s hospital bed, Yifan appearing in different levels of sickness. Zitao’s face fell a little bit as he thought of those times, and how painful they were. In some pictures Yifan looked normal, other times he looked barely conscious. 

Luhan looked at the phone. “Zitao, don’t be sad about it anymore. He hasn’t had flare ups in years, he’s doing so much better. He’s playing basketball often and playing football with me, he’s been taking beginner wushu lessons with you just for fun. He’s healthy,” he assured. 

Zitao sighed. “I know, it was just so hard to come in to the hospital to see his lips were slightly blue or his breathing was raspy or he was too weak to move,” he explained.

“And you did so well, Zitao,” Luhan said, giving him a gentle hug. “He was always so happy to see you, no matter how sick he was.”

Zitao nodded, his happy smile returning to his face. “It was cute when he came home and he needed me to do everything for him, he was really a big baby. He really liked when I would brush his hair for him and change his dressings.”

Luhan nodded and smiled. “You took really good care of him,” he paused gently. “Would you like some water? It’s hot in here and it’s probably hotter in that suit.”

Zitao nodded. “Yes please,” he said, taking the water. He took a long drink, giving a satisfied sigh after he pulled the cup from his lips.

Junmyeon stuck his head into the room. “Yifan is ready and people are arriving, are you almost ready?” he asked, smiling gently.

“I’m ready,” Zitao said, standing from his chair. He looked fantastic in his silky white tuxedo, it matched Yifan’s but it was white, rather than black. The tuxedos had turned out fantastic, the lilies embroidered on the lapels were well-done. 

The ceremony would proceed as follows. The groomsmen would one by one walk down the aisle, Chanyeol and Luhan going last as they were the best men. Zitao and Yifan would walk down the aisle at the same time, Yifan escorted by his dear mother and Zitao escorted by his father. They’d decided it would make more sense to have them both walk down the aisle rather than to only have one walk. They would be equal in that moment. Two grooms, neither more important than the other. 

Jongin’s sister had gracefully offered her daughter to be the flower girl, so she went first, dropping beautiful white petals along the aisle. Her brother followed her, carrying the rings on a white silk pillow. The two kids were doing very well.

Next came the groomsmen. Yixing, then Jongin, then Sehun, then Baekhyun, then Jongdae, then Minseok, then Junmyeon, then Kyungsoo. Chanyeol walked down the aisle and stood on Yifan’s side, Luhan following him and standing on Zitao’s side. It was time for the grooms, everything was in place.

The music began, and Yifan and Zitao stepped out with their parents. They made very brief eye contact but it was enough to send them both over the edge. The two began their slow procedure down the aisle. Yifan was trembling, his eyes slightly wet. It was really hitting him hard now, he now realized he was really getting married to Zitao. Zitao would be his husband now.

They finally approached the altar in the front of the chapel, where their parents stepped away and the two turned to face each other. Yifan was getting really emotional, literally no trace of his “cool guy” persona could be found. There were a few stray tears running down his cheeks as he slowly took Zitao’s hands. He knew, in this moment, that he wasn’t making a mistake, he wasn’t going to regret marrying Zitao. 

Zitao was ever more of a mess, fully crying and trembling gently. He tried to listen to the officiant as he began speaking, but his eyes were glued to Yifan and he couldn’t think of anything else. 

Yifan rubbed Zitao’s knuckles with his thumb in a vain attempt to calm him despite being a mess himself. Time seemed like it was going so slow as Yifan just took in the sight of his groom dressed in an elegant white, his eyes sparkling from happy tears. 

Yifan tuned in to the officiant just in time to hear that it was time for them to recite their vows, and Yifan nodded at the man, retrieving a piece of paper from a pocket inside his suit. He began to read the vows he wrote weeks prior.

“I felt like E.T., from another galaxy, but you found me on the map, you always know where I’m at. I’ve been looking for a reason to have you in my arms where you wanna be, never had a man so good, glad to have you where you wanna be. And i’m right where I want to be, with you, as long as I can be,” Yifan looked up from the paper to Zitao, his eyes sparkling as a smile fought onto his face. “My favorite place has always been with you, and you’ve always been there when I’ve needed you. So now it’s my turn to be right where you need me to be. I love you.” He folded the paper up again with trembling hands as he returned it to the pocket he drew it from. Yifan glanced back to Zitao, biting his lip gently in an effort to fight his dorky smile.

Zitao’s cheeks were damp with tears as he listened, smiling as well. He thought the concept of Yifan writing his lyrics into his vows was incredibly cheesy, but god, he loved it. The officiant motioned to Zitao to say his vows, and he nodded. He took a notecard from his jacket and began to read his vows. 

“Yifan, when I met you, we were both just scrawny little kids in Seoul trying to make it. Now, we’re both accomplished rappers and actors with millions of fans that will support us no matter what we do. It only feels right for me to take the throne next to you. It only feels right to secure my place next to you. I only wish we had done this sooner. I love you, Wu Yifan,” Zitao said, looked up to Yifan after he finished. He was beaming, his eyes sparkling.

The two men stood there smiling at each other for a few moments before the wedding proceeded on. Jongin’s nephew presented the rings, and each man took one. 

“Your rings mark the beginning of a new chapter together, to be worn on the third finger of your left hand in tradition to an old Greek belief that a vein in that finger ran directly to the heart,” the officiant stated.

“Yifan, may this ring be a symbol of my love for you. I will respect, honor, and cherish you, in all places, and in all times, and in all ways, forever,” Zitao stated, remembering what the officiant had told him to say in the rehearsal. He slid the silver wedding band over Yifan’s finger before looking back up to his fiance. 

Yifan did the same. “Zitao, may this ring be a symbol of my love for you, I will respect, honor, and cherish you, in all places, and in all times, and in all ways, forever,” he repeated, sliding the matching wedding band onto Zitao’s finger.

The officiant motioned to a table behind the altar that held the unity candle, and two other candles that had already been lit by Chanyeol and Luhan. Yifan and Zitao walked back to the table and together, they lit the unity candle together. The candle shone brightly as the two returned to the altar together, hand in hand. 

The officiant began to bless the Yifan and Zitao. “You may now kiss the groom,” he finally said to them.

Yifan with no hesitancy swept Zitao off his feet, spinning him around and kissing him deeply on his lips. “I love you,” he whispered. 

“I now present to you Wu Yifan and his husband, Wu Zitao,” the officiant said as the two were still encaptured in their moment. 

The couple hurried down the aisle together, laughing like teenagers in love as they hurried out of the venue to the car that would take them to the reception venue. 

Yifan and Zitao got into the back of the car, a convertible Yifan owned. The two shared a loving kiss as the wedding guests came out to wave them goodbye. The guests began filing out and waving to the couple, including Mama Wu and Mama Huang, who were arm in arm and looking very pleased. 

The guests threw flower petals at the newlyweds before Chanyeol got into the car and began driving them to the reception. 

* * *

Yifan and Zitao couldn’t keep their hands off each other the whole time, they looked like that annoying couple trying to eat each others’ faces in the hallway of an American high school. They were just overwhelmed by feelings of possessiveness, feelings of “you’re mine, no one else’s”. They were just so completely and totally engrossed in each other. 

Luckily, Chanyeol was like that with Baekhyun, so he wouldn’t judge them for it at all while he drove. He understood they were newlyweds and couldn’t help it, and he knew they deserved this for waiting as long as they did. Yifan had confided in him with his anxieties over the years, his worries about he and Zitao’s future, so for Chanyeol it was so satisfying to see everything finally work out for the two of them.

Eventually the two calmed down, just leaning against each other with hands intertwined between them. Yifan looked to Zitao and he smiled, pressing an extremely gentle kiss to his husband’s cheek. 

“Wu Zitao sounds really good,” Yifan whispered gently. “I love you.”

“I love you too, my dear Yifan. And you’re finally mine,” Zitao whispered into his ear. 

* * *

Once they arrived the couple and the wedding party began getting settled. They were all seated at the reserved table for the wedding party. Yifan’s seat was labelled with a place marker that read “ 吴亦凡” and Zitao’s seat was marked with “吴子韬”. Zitao picked up the place card and read it, smiling fondly. 

The reception began with a few people speaking. The members all spoke, Yifan and Zitao’s parents spoke, and the mic was open so a few SM artists came up to speak about how proud they were of the couple. 

It was time for the first dances. Yifan walked out onto the floor and raised his hand to Zitao, who quickly joined him and took his hand. The song they had selected was Luhan’s  _ Catch Me When I Fall.  _ They began dancing together as soon as the music started, holding each other close as they spun around. The next dance was a special one, as Zitao danced with Mama Wu and Yifan danced with Mama Huang. They decided it would be a fun twist on the traditional father-daughter dance. 

Then, they played a game. The deal was, if a person stood up and sang a love song, Yifan and Zitao would briefly kiss. It went on for a while, considering most of the attending guests were musical artists of some sort. It was rather fun. 

Dinner was served soon after. A squad of servers went through the guests, taking orders from a prepared menu. Yifan had decided it would be easier to appease guests if there were several options for people to choose from. It was a good call. There were many noodle dishes offered, as well as soups, steaks, vegetable-only dishes, and dishes more friendly for children. There were alcohols and soft drinks to choose from. Yifan and Zitao shared a big bowl of noodles and some grilled meats. 

There was a bit of dancing and merriment before the cake-cutting. Yifan had shed his tuxedo jacket and cape as he didn’t want to ruin it, and Zitao did the same. It ended up being a good idea, as Zitao absolutely coated Yifan’s face in the sweet cake and buttercream frosting. In an act of playful revenge, Yifan did the same. They shared another kiss before wiping each other’s faces off with a wet cloth. 

The rest of the night became a blur of dancing and drinking, but nothing too crazy. Yifan was a lightweight so he got intoxicated easily, staying absolutely glued to Zitao’s side for the rest of the night. When the couple disappeared from the party, Chanyeol went to search for them but instead of finding a scandalous scene, he just found the two asleep on a bench outside the reception hall. Kyungsoo, the designated driver, got the couple home safe. Luhan and Chanyeol came with them and the trio got the drunken newlyweds safe in bed and their precious tuxedos stored away in a closet. 

As Chanyeol was leaving, he looked back to see Yifan the happiest he had ever seen the man, his long arms wrapped around the man that brought him more joy than anything else in the entire world. So long as Yifan was living, no harm would ever come to Zitao, for his love was strong and would never break. There was no love as genuine as Yifan’s love for his husband, no love as pure. 

And Yifan slept the night away next to his beloved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. This was my first story on AO3, and I am so grateful to you all for supporting it. I hope you have enjoyed! I had so much fun writing this, but I am glad it's finally over. I have appreciated all of your wonderful comments, they have kept me going even when I could hardly write.


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